Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts

Music baby

It was a while ago I shared some music with you all. I normally find around 7-10 hours every week for tracking down good tunes and sorting out my playlist (I know, #nerd), but since we arrived to the US, time has mainly been filled with organizing, stabilizing things and getting back into the tracks of a "normal" life on land. 

It drives me insane that there's so much good music out there and I have not enough time to locate it all. In another life, I would probably pursue a career within music, as a dj and producer (minimal deep techno or ambient triphop kind), but in this one there doesn't seem to be enough time for it all unfortunately. That makes me sad sometimes, that I can not live in all the conformations that I would wish to. The bitter sweet sadness of life. The things we miss out on when one path is chosen. This quote by Sylvia Plath may be relevant:

“I can never read all the books I want; 
I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. 
I can never train myself in all the skills I want. 
And why do I want? 
I want to live and feel all the shades, 
tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. 
And I am horribly limited.” 

I often wonder how people with children prioritize (kids are often on my mind, firstly because I am a woman and I also have most of my sisters and many female friends who've chosen to become mothers). Imagine that I spend 7-10 hours a week on music, 20 hours a week reading and writing, 5 hours for cooking, 10 hours eating and enjoying said food, 5 hours for exercise and meditation, and the rest of the time for work, sleep, travel and hanging out with loved ones. All those things are of utter importance to me. I couldn't see my life without any of it and I need them as constant ingredients in my every day life to feel fulfilled, relaxed and in peace with myself. Counting those hours on average...

24 hours per day =

8 hrs sleep
2-3 hrs for cooking & eating
1 hr yoga & exercise
30 min meditation
2-3 hrs reading & writing
1 hr for music
6-10 hrs of work depending on which project I have ongoing in that particular period of life
2-3 hrs of downtime for travel, family & friends.

... there really isn't time for anything else. 

I guess I could always choose to remove or cut down on one or two of those elements, but again, they are such important parts of myself and I see none as replaceable. When people ask me if and when I would like to have children, I say as politely as I can, trying to not offend anyone else's personal choice: That in my already filled up schedule of life - which isn't busy and hectic per se (which also is a choice I've made as quietness and harmony is of main importance), but filled with the things that I love and need - there really is no way that I could see myself replacing any of those elements. For sleepless nights? Added costs? Faster aging and potential physical transformation? An overall tiresome existence where I have to leave my own interests at second priority? Constant demand of attention by someone else?

As much as I would love to understand women who choose to give birth, I can't completely spin my head around the phenomenon. And then the added worries and headaches one inevitably have to experience when caring and loving someone of ones own flesh and blood that much. There is nothing that could make me put myself in such a draining position voluntarily.

Many women think we child free are missing out. And obviously we do, family is a beautiful thing as are children in many aspects. But when there is a choice of self development, total peace and harmony vs. constantly nurturing and developing something for someone else, the answer is obvious. People may argue that a woman can have it all. That a modern woman can both work, have a successful career, take time off for yoga, reading and meditation and raise a toddler at the same time - but the freedom one has when not having to be on constant call is invaluable to me and for many others who choose to not have them.

To be able to take off when one wish, to lay in bed six hours after breakfast and read in total quietness if one would feel like. Enjoy late dinner and drinks without having to worry about what time to come home. To be able to hoist the sails and leave for another continent whenever that urge hits you. Work for hours and days without having to feel guilty about how much time one has spent in front of the computer. I totally understand the good sides of having children, but knowing the sacrifices every single woman that I have met with children have to make, it doesn't seem worthwhile to my eyes. Thank god we are different though, imagine if everyone thought as I did, the world would obviously collapse.

Back to one of my real life babies... music. >>This<< is one of my slow comfortable playlists I've enjoyed listening to last few weeks. Works good when wanting to get into a reflective and introspective mode. x

Here's the list for the ones of you who don't have Spotify:

18 comments

Q&A

Got some questions on the blog and Facebook that I thought I could answer for everyone to take part of.

Hi, we look forward to watching you transit the canal on the webcams at the exit gates, please post when you are moving through. On a more sensitive note, some of us are happily reading more into to your later posts than what we perhaps should, but when we read things like " lazing in bed, radical diet changes, titles like Panama baby etc ", we get thinking and have to ask the question, are you pregnant ??, have great days

Answer: Hi Different Drum, always happy to hear from you, but the answer to that is a big fat NO! At least I hope so? No babies planned and none wished for currently either so I do hope that you are wrong in your calculations. Babies are a wonderful thing but we are way to content having only ourselves (and a boat) to care for at the moment. Maybe in a few years when back on land. Comfort, tranquility and peace of mind is paramount and I have a feeling that bringing up babies on a boat (or anywhere else for that matter) might distract exactly those.

As I read your posts, it occurs to me that Alex gets a great deal of fulfillment (periodic complaints aside) from the process of working on the boat - something I can personally relate to. I don't get the sense from reading your posts that these are activities you share an interest in, which is a bit worrisome. Are there activities you can both take part in while in port that you can share and do together? No doubt while at sea you both share the journey but these spells in port it almost feels as though you diverge greatly in your interests and almost to some degree your happiness. As a reader I can't help but wonder if you don't need to make a concerted effort to set aside time for activities you both enjoy doing together (though I may be way off base since you no doubt don't blog about everything you do!)

Answer: You are right in that I don't exactly share a very deep interest in his boat project activities, more than of course with a lot of admiration and appreciation for his wide knowledge so we can stay safe and comfortable on the boat. But for me who find my own time to be extremely important and I prefer being left alone most of the hours of a day, I find it ideal that he is busy with his own things. 

Although I am glad to help him out when he needs an extra set of hands for any given project, I have no intention to make his passion and job a hobby for myself. When Alex is working on the boat, I am most often doing my own things such as writing, reading books, doing housewife stuff as laundry and dishes, cooking meals or baking, as well as exercising and taking a walk - all of the things that I most often find are most pleasant and fulfilling doing without disturbance of someone else. I have always felt that being alone, gives you time and space to develop and nurture your inner self and because of that I am thankful that Alex is so busy. Despite the challenge it can sometimes be with living right in the mess of his projects on such confined space. Living so close to one another for so many years, it seems absolutely necessary that we are not constantly in each others face, boring each other to death, so the set up is pretty good all in all.

Most of the days we try to spend a few hours doing things together. We hit the bus to town for an afternoon walk or a visit at a local coffee-shop or a bar, we go to the beach or hang by the pool (when there is a pool to hang in, like in this particular marina) and every evening we eat a meal together out in town or at home, free from computer, books and boat work. I do think we have a pretty good balance. Only our friends and family that is missing at times, and occasionally it can get a little lonely being only the two of us but thankfully we have had the pleasure of meeting new lovely people on the way.

Wow, pretty radical change (the new diet). Is Alex going along for the ride? I find it interesting as many friends are being bombarded by vegan zealots on FB with horrid images. Good luck with your new endeavor. Will your veggie diet also abstain from consuming soy, coffee and other agricultural products which often abuse and enslave the humans picking it? How about the textiles that go into your clothes? Just trying to see how far this rabbit hole goes. When I think ethically, I think you are making the right decision... but for now, bacon is sooo tasty.

Answer: It might seem a radical change as you haven't heard my complains over the past twelve months. We've tried to eat consciously for many years, bought locally produced and as raw food as possible and so forth, but it's time for me to take it to the next level. I think that changing a lifestyle towards a better direction shouldn't be mistaken with "aiming for perfection". I find it a little silly when people say "why stop wearing fur when you wear leather shoes" - almost saying that "I know I can't be perfect so why bother being a nice person at all?" It is not all that black and white. We can not give up on everything we believe in because we are too lazy to make a stand for each of our actions. Ignorant people will always have their excuses, I know, because I've been one myself and I still have much to learn in other areas I suppose. Everyone has to find their way of being comfortable in their own choices and take responsibility for their own deeds, one by one. In their own tempo.

It's a good comfortable step for me to have decided to stop eating meat products and meat that comes from the factory farming industry, but it doesn't mean that I will automatically become a radical activist nor am I saying I will dedicate my life fighting for every human or animal on the planet. I am taking this change with baby steps, learning on the way to know what is important to me, and where to draw my personal lines.

I think it's important that human beings, the most intelligent creatures of this planet, take their responsibility to learn, and to have understanding and awareness for how our choices affects our life and our surroundings. This sailing journey that has taken almost three years of our lives so far, has made me more in-tuned to natural changes towards a healthier and more balanced life, which also was the whole point of the trip itself.

I quit smoking a year and a bit more ago (although I'm not a perfect human being and I still fall for the temptation every now and then when drunk). I drink much less alcohol than before and have found an interesting gain and fulfillment in doing so, although I'm more than happy to still get wasted the times when I have a good opportunity in the right company. I've also humbled, grown and developed as a human being from within - these are a few small steps closer to the more refined, more conscious person that I want to become. To quit meat from my daily diet is only one of those steps towards a better and healthier life and existence.

Alex is probably not as enthusiastic in changing diet as I am but has told me he's willing to try it out as long as I don't quit using fish and seafood in my daily concoctions. Since I'm the one cooking 98% of our meals, I better learn some good vegan and vegetarian dishes now to keep him motivated, eh? All tips on good vegan/vegetarian websites are very welcome, thanks. 

10 comments

On kids

Here's what you find behind all that hair. Both too beautiful for words. 

I adore children and am used to them. I grew up as the oldest of four (later in life I got introduced to more of my biological/half siblings and ended up with seven younger sisters and brothers) and I have sisters, brothers and friends with a bunch of them. But it's not often I've thought about reproducing and having one of my own. Too much stress and worries that comes with it that I am neither ready nor willing to add to my life. 

Many women's lives might be unfulfilled without the presence of your offsprings but personally I can do without them. Yet, it sometimes, but extremely rarely, happens that I meet a child - and maybe it isn't even because of the child itself, rather the sort of rare intimate connection between the child and a parent - that I can get a sting of longing for my own. These two are an excellent example of the sort of chiseled connection one would wish every child on the planet would experience with their mother. Looking at them, even I can get overwhelmed by a sudden need or wish to get my own baby. There is something special with a mother and son relationship and if I ever get a child, I'd definitely wish it was a boy too. Or if I'd get a daughter, I'd without doubt try to raise her to become anything except a girly girl. I'd want her to become a strong, independent and rational person that I generally find are traits more often found in men/boys. 

I could be wrong but I imagine a boy brings less stress and headaches and it's easier somehow to keep things real with them as they grow up. I'm after simplicity in life after all.

Or what do you say? Many of you have kids I believe. Less complications and worries that comes with raising a boy or a girl? And another question I'm curious to if any of you are willing to share: Why exactly did you choose to have children at all? I know it's the way life "should just be" for many, but if you really think about the personal motive, what is the main reason for you to have them? 

And no, I don't need to hear "You won't understand before you get a child and then it will all make so much sense" - it's not a reason as you never felt that way beforehand. Of course every mother would feel extraordinary feelings and an enormous amount of love and affection with all those hormones after having given birth to her own child and of course no one can get it before you've actually done it for yourself. It's like with hallucinogenic drugs, you can never fully explain the feeling to someone who's never tried. So what I'm after now is the real reason that made you decide on having your first child to begin with. 

Please share, I'd be very interested to hear your stories and thoughts. 

28 comments

One sexy fruit

It might not be very easy to get a hold on ruccola, european cucumber or all the fresh herbs whenever you long for them here in the Caribbean, but there are obviously other lovely fruits and veggies on offer. Like Soursop for example. The man who sold this fruit to me today claimed with a content smile that "soursop will help you get babies faster". Not sure why everyone is insisting on me getting babies these days so I told him politely that having one is none of my close plans whereupon he came up with another interesting claim with, if possible, an even wider grin "well it will at least give you more fun while practicing!". Whatever it does to you, the soursop is a damn good fruit. Similar to cherimoya with its white flesh and black seeds and taste lays somewhere in between lime, pear, pineapple and strawberry perhaps. Sweet, soft and tangy. Great to eat with a spoon once you've cut it in half or to squeeze it into a nutritious juice or why not into your morning smoothie. 

6 comments

Baby dogs and children

Look at this beautiful pitbull/rottweiler baby girl, it almost breaks my heart to remove her from my lap and leave her back to the owner. If only we could have one of these onboard, a pity they don't stay this petite for the rest of their lives. But kids and dogs will have to wait a few more years til the day we are ready to turn our focus from adventure and our own personal development. Not sure when/if we will ever be ready. Have been talking a lot about kids lately with several different people as it seems like it's kind of expected of a woman close to thirty to start planning for family and kids. It's not at all a must in my world. I don't necessarily need own children to complete myself and I/we are still not certain if it is the right way to go for us or myself. To have children at all that is.

I'm scared to love them too much, to get totally overprotective and completely loose myself in the process. One day I love the idea, I can picture our own little family and I know what an amazing father Alex would be. The next day I'm sure that I will never have any children at all because of the fact that it would bring just too many more headaches into life and I really want to keep things simple. And some days we're more into adoption and could imagine ourselves taking care of a few of the ones less fortunate. There's so many kids out there in the world without parents, security and love so why putting more children onto this planet. But as I told you, I'm still not sure what is the best way to go and luckily I got a few more years to think this all through.

15 comments