Music baby
Here's the list for the ones of you who don't have Spotify:
This resonates so much to me. I am 27 years old and I am thinking exactly what you are thinking. And then people tell me that I will be lonely at Christmas and when I'm old, but having children is no guarantee you will not be lonely. There are so many people with children who never come to see them.
I was wondering if you and Alex got the spotify playlist I sent you. It was mostly New Orleans style blues jazz and club songs.
--Doug
Dear Taru; thank you very much for your honest post about the topic of children. I very much feel the same way about it. It is a very difficult topic. I am in the beginning of my thirties as well. And just now I am starting to feel more free and finally being able to pursue many of my dreams. I live much healthier, do yoga as often as I can as love my life as it is. The thought to abandon all this in the next few years to have a child does not feel right with me and I fear to think that some part of me could even blame this innocent newborn human being.
On the bright side, let us enjoy life and make the most of it. Make meaningful connections and be happy.
Katja
Taru, you are asking the questions that most women around the world do. It is true that motherhood and fatherhood is not for everyone and it should never be forced upon. However I would say that it is a unique experience. As a 24 year old with loads of curiosity, children seem to be the most profoundly altering adventure, one full of self development and inner changes.
I see my mother who, through and with the help of her daughters traveled more, learned of new things and stayed much younger than her childless friends. She also acquired beautiful altruistic traits that I keep seeing in mothers and fathers and are harder to find in other people.
As you so aptly put it, the vulnerability that comes with motherhood sounds crazy and I am not ready to give up the freedom of being solely responsible for my own person, but seeing my mother, makes me convinced that in a couple of years (2, 5 or 10) I'll plunge into the adventure as one does into a cold ocean, our life is too short not to try as much as we can! :)
I think only the first years are the toughest, the reward comes when they grow up into real human beings. I too wouldn't want to give up my freedom just yet but I wonder if I might regret it in the future if I remain child-free?
My wife and I chose not to have children for many of the same reasons. We get a lot of flak for it from family/friends etc... but we have never regretted it. Life is just too full of too many things!
I know there are plenty of rewards that comes with having children, it is a pure blessing in itself. It's just the tricky question of time that often is on my mind and I haven't yet convinced myself of the fact that it is a thing for me. Maybe I'll change my mind in the future. For now the freedom feels good.
Yes Doug, thanks!
Children aren't for everyone, if they were this world would be severely over populated. I love your honesty on a topic hat would have most people to scared to voice. You're not alone, and there is nothing wrong with not wanting them. Much better to not have them if you're not sure then to bring a child into this world that you are not sure of. You seem so centred at the moment, it really is a joy to read.
Hello Taru and Alex,
Continue to enjoy your blog. My wife Lara and I now have two boys (4 years and 7 months). We have been living aboard for almost 4 years full time and have sailed from Campbell River, BC, Canada most recently to San Francisco (absolutely loving it here but that is another story). I believe you are in the right place for you right now re: a child/children. The only thing I would add or suggest for those who think the "sacrifice" is too great, is imagine the love (even with all the "sacrifices" or compromises) that you experience having a partner/friend/lover in your life and multiply that 10 fold. You will never love your partner as much as you will/would love your child. It's that powerful. And this from a fellow who could have gone without. If you want the ultimate challenge and life experience...have a child. There is so much more I could say about the subject. Perhaps another time. Wishing you nothing but the best. Gordon, Lara, Logan and Osian aboard s/v Kaizen. Life, it's one big glorious adventure!!
Thanks for sharing your views on having children particularly since it's a personal matter.
I share very similar views with with the comment left by Liza. I want to experience life to its fullest but also have children to share my experiences with and to also watch them create their own experiences.
On a separate matter but in-keeping to your post I was wondering where your top (I assume it's a top) is from? It looks very nice! :)
Hi
Amazing pics of fall!! Think I replied on this subject before, but since I feel I have been in a very similar situation to you two before children(;I lived and worked around the world and felt life could not get better) I feel the urge to answer and also I find having babies get such a bad rep!
People seem to mostly complain about it, perhaps because that is what we like to do when talking to friends instead of gushing about everything positive in our life??
As for your schedule: I get to do my yoga, painting, meditation, writing and even go to my pottery studio most days. My 2 year old is at dagis now, ( we have just moved to Stockholm and my boyfriend works in London, so I do everything myself) but even before he was in dagis I managed to have a lot of time to myself He adds to whatever I do with my day and I hope I do the same for him. I would say that the only thing which takes time out of my schedule is cooking food but of course I would still do that without him. What I am trying to say is that I am scared to think what would have happened if I had listened to everyone's complaints and decided not to have this baby! He makes me feel complete and these two years and been the happiest, most beautiful and loveliest in my life. Most days I shed tears because I can not believe how I can be so lucky to have him in my life!
Thank you Taru, for sharing your thoughts on this delicate question. Being the female half of a couple who have chosen a child free life, I’m always curious to hear how other women approach this dilemma. Because, any way we look at it, even in our modern, highly secular world, it is still regarded as somewhat unnatural or at least egocentric – if not even presumptous – to reject the chance to reproduce, especially if you’re a woman. Almost as if we have a responsibility towards all the unborn babies in the world. And even if I know, just like you, that for most people who have children, it is indeed a blessing and a joy, I feel that it’s about time we realized that just because you can do something, it doesn’t mean that you necessarily want to, or should do it. To have children is a gift, not a right – and it is definitely not an obligation.
Most of the time, I don’t feel that I need to defend my decision to choose a life without children. (I say ”my decision”, because even if it most definitely is a joint decision between me and my husband, it is ultimately I who make the choice to shun the norm by rejecting motherhood.) Very few people actually ask about it – although many just assume that we will eventually have children, because that is what’s exepcted. ”But what about when you have children?” is a common question regarding our live-aboard-life, to which I joyfully answer that if we wanted children we should probably have thougth about that a little earlier … I’m 44 and my husband is 45, and even if it’s not physically too late, I would say that we have crossed some kind of limit by now.
I have never ever seen myself as a mother. Neither when I was a little girl, nor when I grew up. Sometimes, out of curiosity, I think about who that little person, the amalgamation of me and my loved one would be. What would he or she look like, which of our traits would I recognize in him/her? I’m sure that he or she would be a lovely person, but the truth is, that fictional being is not someone who is missing in my life. Maybe that’s just it. I love my life as it is – I love enjoying it with my soulmate, my husband, who has been a part of it for so many years. And, equally important, I love my independence and my ability to choose how my life evolves. Nonetheless, it is never an easy question. There will always be the ”what ifs” and ”maybes”.
Normally, my motto in life is that you should try anything that makes you curious – if you don’t like it you can always go back. But in this case, it’s not that simple …
Sorry for the essayesque comment! What can I say, you inspire to thoughts ☺
I'd like to see more women thinking rationally and logically about the pros and cons of childbirth rather than just following expectations, as an 18 year old girl who has many friends blindly embarking down that path without weighing up options this is a breath of fresh air! Another side of the pregnancy question that I personally think is worth considering is the ethics of bringing more babies into the world, this is an interesting read
http://blogs.lse.ac.uk/lsereviewofbooks/2012/08/20/why-have-children-the-ethical-debate/
Thanks for being such a cool role model Taru xx
I'm with you. I'll be 40 next year and my husband is 47. Neither of us wants kids. That was a very important detail to be sure of at the start of our relationship. If there are to be more people then of course someone needs to procreate. I'm glad there's no need for me to do it. If I & my spouse were the last 2 humans on the planet...well, that would be the end of it. I still wouldn't have kids. Just not interested in it.
Hello Taru + Alex,
I noted that your blog on choice over children or not is mainly about what would happen to You. With all your experiences, gained worldly insight, opinions and wisdom during your lifes (not only recent travels), your achieved but oh so never entirely finished personality, attitude and approach to life - imagine to pass all this onto a next generation being a part of just you both and with it perhaps the world to become a better place ?! Particularly as you have the freedom of choice how to bring up a child and as you will not be a knocked up teenager or raped slum dweller - Think about it, sometime, again, when considering the mentioned pros on the topic.
Uh, and make sure to have answers when your kids read your blog ;o)
Lastly, Dear Amy M: not sure where you travel the world but FYI it already is overpopulated.
Thank you everyone for your thoughtful comments. It seems it all comes down to individual preference. We live in such a modern time and world that we thankfully can choose what we do with our existence. No need to try convincing each other what is the best and what's not. We all have our individual choice and that is beautiful.
I can't understand that way of thinking at all.
I think it's a very limiting mindset and that it would actually hold someone back from true spiritual and personal development.
I believe that raising a child is one of the most effective self development and spiritual practices you could ever have.
Happiness is found in the moment, whether that is alone or with a child - the thought that a child would keep you from your highest purpose in life is what is really keeping you from your highest purpose in this life, not the child itself.
I used to think exactly like you... Until I had my daughter.
It opens up parts of your mind and soul that are otherwise unreachable. A truly unique experience.
I was a proper vagabond prior to having a child, and when my daughter was 13 months old we picked up and moved to Shanghai, where we are living now. So you don't have to give that up.