What if..

I've been feeling more in love with Alex in the past few months than in a long time. Maybe more than ever. Almost five years together now. They say a year of relationship on a small boat equals to approx. three years on land. The space where you live is so tiny, the challenges you go through at sea are demanding, and if there is something about your partner you dislike or feel frustrated about, it is literally impossible escaping it on a boat. You are constantly in each others face. You better make it work.

We've had our downs definitely. But some times these days, a very uncomfortable feeling hits me in my stomach. What if we wouldn't have made it through the challenges? What if we would have given up? Knowing what we know now: that our love is strong enough to work through emotional recessions, empty bank accounts and exhausting trials, it seems so utterly obvious that we are together. We are a team. Will work through anything. But imagine if the doubts we might have had in the past led us go apart? It's a disturbing thought.

I have our years of traveling to thank for many things. But primarily it has softened and toned down my hard edges. It has opened my heart in a way that I sometimes feel it is over producing, over flowing with love and at times I feel I don't know where to release the immense pounding of hot blood that is streaming within my veins. It's a tangible feeling which makes me smile a lot. Hug and kiss my man more than usual. Makes me more helpful. It makes me effective at work. And it makes me dedicated towards the causes I believe in. Nothing is ever without its obstacles, but when the foundation feels steady, everything else runs smoother as a result.

My purpose on this earth and my ideas and visions of life have become more clear and defined. And I think out of the love, and the thorny fence around my heart that I've begun cutting down, that is where truth comes from. That is where you can create truly marvelous things. Be a better partner. A better person. Do good things. Live healthier. Be fair. Be honest. Help others.

I think all the right decisions, the ways in which Alex and I communicate better these days, the mutual work and sacrifices we put ourselves through, the plans and dreams we both have individually and as a couple, the energy we put into each of our projects, the balance we feel, the progressive path we're on, the support we give one another, the defined idea of something great for the future. They are all a result of love. A result of less shields and barriers between us. The result of opening up and being real.

I feel that is the key to all good in this world. To open your heart, don't let past and grudges hold back the power you have within. Be real and truthful to your beliefs. Make life easy on yourself and people around you. Pour love into all what you do. And know that a change comes only if you really want it to. 

But I still sometimes wonder with an uneasy feel in my body, what if we wouldn't have found the strength to work things out.. a big part of the meaning of our lives seem to still be to be together.