Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts

October 31, 2009

Throwback to Halloween night 2009. Exactly five years since I met my beautiful, strong, sensitive, intelligent, temperamental, goodhearted, intense, hard working, brave, dramatic, sexy, solid man. How would life have looked without you? Love him like a brother, son, best friend, lover. ~ Peace, love and love forever.

Listening to one of my playlists from that year, which you can find here and another one here.

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What if..

I've been feeling more in love with Alex in the past few months than in a long time. Maybe more than ever. Almost five years together now. They say a year of relationship on a small boat equals to approx. three years on land. The space where you live is so tiny, the challenges you go through at sea are demanding, and if there is something about your partner you dislike or feel frustrated about, it is literally impossible escaping it on a boat. You are constantly in each others face. You better make it work.

We've had our downs definitely. But some times these days, a very uncomfortable feeling hits me in my stomach. What if we wouldn't have made it through the challenges? What if we would have given up? Knowing what we know now: that our love is strong enough to work through emotional recessions, empty bank accounts and exhausting trials, it seems so utterly obvious that we are together. We are a team. Will work through anything. But imagine if the doubts we might have had in the past led us go apart? It's a disturbing thought.

I have our years of traveling to thank for many things. But primarily it has softened and toned down my hard edges. It has opened my heart in a way that I sometimes feel it is over producing, over flowing with love and at times I feel I don't know where to release the immense pounding of hot blood that is streaming within my veins. It's a tangible feeling which makes me smile a lot. Hug and kiss my man more than usual. Makes me more helpful. It makes me effective at work. And it makes me dedicated towards the causes I believe in. Nothing is ever without its obstacles, but when the foundation feels steady, everything else runs smoother as a result.

My purpose on this earth and my ideas and visions of life have become more clear and defined. And I think out of the love, and the thorny fence around my heart that I've begun cutting down, that is where truth comes from. That is where you can create truly marvelous things. Be a better partner. A better person. Do good things. Live healthier. Be fair. Be honest. Help others.

I think all the right decisions, the ways in which Alex and I communicate better these days, the mutual work and sacrifices we put ourselves through, the plans and dreams we both have individually and as a couple, the energy we put into each of our projects, the balance we feel, the progressive path we're on, the support we give one another, the defined idea of something great for the future. They are all a result of love. A result of less shields and barriers between us. The result of opening up and being real.

I feel that is the key to all good in this world. To open your heart, don't let past and grudges hold back the power you have within. Be real and truthful to your beliefs. Make life easy on yourself and people around you. Pour love into all what you do. And know that a change comes only if you really want it to. 

But I still sometimes wonder with an uneasy feel in my body, what if we wouldn't have found the strength to work things out.. a big part of the meaning of our lives seem to still be to be together.

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Summer in the city

I still can't get over the fact that it's summer here in the North, considering that winter pretty much lasted until May. Sunshine and warmth feels like such luxury. Not even going to mention that I was tired of the heat while we still lived in the Caribbean. Balance and moderation is key like in any aspect of life.

Life can feel tremendously frustrating and complicated sometimes, especially when you meet obstacles in your way chasing dreams. But the fundamental idea of life is so simple. Good, comfortable weather, nice healthy food, great intriguing goals to work towards… and love of course. We don't need much more than that, do we?

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after four years

I've felt compelled to write about this for some time, and now that our relationship recently passed the four year mark, I figured it could be a good time to conclude how we've done so far. Living on a boat, as a couple, for such a long time I mean. I think the relationship is the most common interest that people have. "How do you do it?" "Don't you get sick and tired of each other?" "What's been the greatest challenge?" and so forth.. 

Looking back at these years, still fairly few but extremely intense, that we have spent together, I can say that I am very relieved and thankful that we've come this far. I am relieved that we survived our to date hardest trial which occurred during our year long stay in Antigua. A year that was overwhelming, in many negative ways, and a year that could very well have separated us, wouldn't it have been for our stubborn determination to make it through that horrendous time, in one way or the other.

Old readers might remember some parts of that year though I haven't even mentioned half of what really was going on in our lives. Firstly we decided to sell Alex's first boat to get a new, larger, faster one as we imagined life easier with additional living space. We (he) lost a lot of money on that sales process, and after having sailed for a year and a half since we had left Spain, we found ourselves broke to the point that we had to put most hours of the day working and whoring out our varied services to left and right just to make ends meet and to be able to repair the larger, but older boat we had acquired. 

We lived in the middle of an ongoing boat renovation on an island where we didn't felt like we belonged, met many negatively influencing people, lived with the constant blanket of the annoying tropical heat, we were longing for friends and family, and on top of it all, my mother died and left me questioning not only my current situation or the past from where I come, but also my inner self from every possible, uncomfortable angle. 

My mother and I hadn't ever had the best of relationships though we had tried finding our way back to each other in those recent years, but still, she is the reason why I exist and the existential questions that a sudden death evokes are challenging enough in their own regards.

If there is something that I am amazed by when looking back at that year, now 1,5-2 years ago, is that it all came at once. We left on this journey to find answers and get to know ourselves and each other better, and the trials and lessons that life brought onto us really were of the massive sort. It seems to us that the universe went hellbent on testing our strength and quality of our relationship and there was a time it seemed that we were not going to make it. There were moments I thought we were no longer meant for each other.

Inevitably, we argued a lot during that year. And our major problem wasn't that love was missing or that we were unhappy with the life that we had started together. The main problem laid in the way we communicated during those trials. In hindsight, we can laugh about ourselves, almost feeling ridiculous and ashamed, at how narrow-minded and stupid one can become when in the midst of major turbulences. When you don't have any outside references, but try to work heavy things out while being stuck at the bottom. And without really knowing one another yet.

Both Alex and I are normally very intense in our languages though we're much better today than back then, and while being pressured and disappointed at many things at once, we definitely crossed the line in how a couple who fundamentally loves each other should converse respectfully. It's funny the way one thinks one is doing or saying the right things, but later you realize the strategy was nothing more than counter productive. 

After countless months of trying and unintentionally working against each other, I decided I needed a break. You might remember that I left for London and Berlin for a month and a half last year, and being disappointed in what level our relationship had reached, I decided to stay away until I had found the answers that I needed. Honestly I wasn't sure if I would return, but somehow the distance made us good. And being that far from Alex, while almost trying to recreate a life in which our relationship didn't exist any longer, just to see how that sort of life felt, I realized what an emptiness it would have meant if we for real decided to end what we had started. 

As I said, it wasn't love that was missing, it was our communication that had been destructive. In order to have any chance to repair or rebuild a respectful relationship, we both had to work hard on our personalities.

Two extremely stubborn, temperamental, emotional and, in their own ways, disappointed human beings trying to communicate isn't the easiest of tasks, believe me. We both made mistakes. We both had our faults, and none of us were ready to end it, even though I was momentarily on the verge of giving up. 

I respect and love Alex immensely for showing me that no matter what, even in the darkest of moments, an ocean apart from each other, it was never on his agenda to let go of us. If it would have been, we would probably not be together now. I would have probably stayed in Europe. And as much as he showed me what unconditional love is, he has slowly had to learn through me how to communicate better. Even though I was equally at fault in many ways, I still had a slight advantage in communicating calmly and constructively. 

There are obviously traits in each other that still makes us mad. Alex hates that I can occasionally turn into a distant cold hearted bitch when provoked, and he on the other hand is still at occasion a very intense and dramatic person which makes me want to blow up from time to time. This is where the good of my yoga/meditation comes in for your record, it has helped not only myself, but also us as a couple. I've realized that the calmer and more collected I am, the easier is it for me to guide him into becoming rational and tranquil when he has his typical temperamental (Greek) tantrums. And with time I have seen this slowly but surely changing his personality to a better collected person as well.

Another thing that has helped us is the fact that I much less frequently drink alcohol compared to before. A tensed argument is never helped by one or both being intoxicated. Luckily Alex doesn't drink at all, but during the times of hardships when I've been under the influence of alcohol, it has only worsened our fights. All the things one must learn with time, if only ones wish is to make things better. 

I think we have not only taught each other some very important life lessons, but we have also been so good for each other, I mean genuinely. We have made each other better people. And even though we still have things that we work on like everyone has, we are more mature and comfortable in the relationship than what we were in those first years. A partnership is never without complications and I am certain there will be many more times when we question what is right. But when you find someone worth fighting for, you have to look upon yourself and see, what can I do to make this better, smoother, instead of always expecting the other one to be perfect. 

People react on disappointments, anger, sadness and frustration in different personal ways, and even though it could be tempting being egoistic and only lamenting about what "I need" or what "he/she could do to make me feel better", it is so very important to be real, take a step back, and see "what have I really done to make the situation better, for him/her, for us?".

Through the eyes of this relationship and through the moments of annoyance and suffering that we have been through, I think we both have had to humble down and make a commitment to always try looking at ourselves first. Like, "would I want to live with myself in this moment", and if not, make sure to alter direction.

Love and partnership is an intriguing phenomenon. There was a time I didn't believe much in it at all. And given that it can sometimes be hard enough to make oneself happy with all options and life varieties there are, it is an ever challenging task trying to keep someone else with a complete different mind, cultural background and upbringing, not to mention a person of another sex, happy and satisfied. But it is what it is, and as long as there's love and respect, there should probably always be a way to make things work.

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blissful melancholy

Sometimes you stumble upon the sort of music made by an artist or producer that makes you want to tear apart and throw away all preceding playlists you've ever created as every tone, beat, instrument and voice of this newly discovered love is so utterly perfect that it can be compared with nothing else you've previously heard. It doesn't happen too often, and it's partly a question about current mood and frame of mind obviously, but when it occurs it makes you catch your breath, your eyes fill with tears and you feel endlessly thankful that you met that specific person who introduced it to you/that website that lead you to it/that youtube video which recommended it, or however you fell upon your newfound musical obsession.

I've heard Milosh before in the form of his and Robin Hannibal's two man band Rhye which I absolutely adore from the bottom of my heart, too. But I had totally missed that the trailing voice of the duo had produced hauntingly beautiful music by himself since 2004.

It's the sort of music I'm always dreaming of finding on my countless hours scouring through the net but seldom do. Melancholic, soothing, sensual, sad and bottomless yet round, introspective music with depth and a variety of emotional layers in an intimate, soulful rhythm. Thinking about it, ever since I was very young I've been drawn to music that filled my eyes with tears. That brought me to sadness, got me thinking, moved me from reality and back right to it. I used those tones as an outlet and substitute for emotions that I couldn't put words on, nor express in ways my body and soul required, emotions which were hidden or suppressed, in a person not yet mature and ready to deal with the actual pain of loss and sorrow that life had brought onto her.

Milosh music moves me to the place within my soul that I still as an adult share only with myself. Even though words are easier constructed these days and feelings and emotions are in better control over - there's still a part of my heart which it seems that only music like this understands.

>These are my favorites by Milosh/Rhye, and this, this, this and this are some other tunes found on Youtube.

(If you for some odd reason still don't have Spotify, these are my favorite tracks: Another day, Gentle Samui, Verse, The world, Below, Open, Last dance, Remember the good things, One of those summer days.)

Milosh newest video above from his next album coming out next month, starring his wife Alexa Nikolas. In a press release on his upcoming album Jetlag, Milosh said: "Jetlag is an expression of my deep love for my wife, my happiness and excitement for a new place in my life, my sadness or fear of stepping out of my old life... Jetlag is about dancing between two worlds simultaneously, learning about myself through the process and ultimately making a choice to be with someone, to fully commit to that life even though it's on the other side of the world."

Can't recall last time that I looked forward to a release so much as I do with his new album.

Check out his website here and Facebook page here.

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When time is right


We took the launch service out to our boat yesterday. Our promenade to the harbor was blessed with sunshine, warm winds and birds chatter all around the green tunnel of forest pathway, but by the time we arrived to the boat, dark menacing clouds covered our view of the sun and the rain quickly followed. There are worse places to find oneself when it's raining. There is something romantic about the way you pull the companionway hatch to close above your head and you immediately begin inspecting the latest repair of faulty portholes to see if they still leak or not. Bingo! No leaks (there) any longer, an opportunity to kick back and relax resurfaced. 

A wave of nostalgia and a mild form of sadness flooded over me as I laid down in the familiar patchy red colored couch and I couldn't help but feeling we've abandoned Duende. Our boat that had brought us here and who had protected and carried us through hard times, and enhanced the good days with memories worthy a hundred novels. It isn't a case of an abandonment naturally, as we will set sail Southwards again as soon as boat and we are ready to go. But the situation does carry an odd feeling, the fact that the boat isn't any longer our everyday home as it's been since spring 2010, it's weird. Time flies. Things change. We change and priorities change, but nowhere and at no time does the need and hunger to feel free dissipate.

As much as other aspects of life must be prioritized for a period of time, we know within our hearts that we will return to the sea when time is right. "Wasn't it pretty good in the tropics after all", he asked me, with a gentle deliberate look in his eyes that almost brought tears to mine as I knew how hard most of our time in the Caribbean had been, on especially him, during the never-ending refit and boat projects that we had initiated and never came to an end with. "We didn't fully take the opportunity to enjoy the way it was supposed to be enjoyed" he continued, me nodding as an answer. Knowing too well he was right and if we were to do it all over again, we would have done it so much differently. 

No reason to regret, as we've learnt many lessons. But one thing we agreed on there while torrential downpour hammered down our hatches was that we no matter what, would only ever leave with our boat in the right cruising mode again. Fit and ready to go, with refits and refurbishments behind us. We'd only fill the boat with tools needed for unexpected repairs and not for constructing and building a whole new vessel. We've lived it the hard way and surprisingly survived that with all that it means. It is exhilarating now knowing that we can start it all over again, and that next time we'd have the chance to do it the right way. 

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Master creator

This one's for you Reggie! Ha ha ha... found it while processing through the Bonaire pictures. 

While we were still in St Martin/St Maarten working on Duende - sxm the island which we also love very very much (we love all the Dutch islands in fact) - our friend Reg gave Alex the nickname "Michelangelo". Why such a pompous name you might ask. Because it becomes very obvious when you get to know Alex that he is obsessed with perfecting things. His work seems never well done enough and he can spend hours and days adjusting the slightest details, to reach to a sort of perfection that not many bothers to work towards as it seems a mission impossible. 

He really is a true perfectionist and puts very high pressure on himself to reach that utter perfection in anything he creates, be it music mastering, joinery, fiberglass or carbon design, boat building and anything else in between. Sometimes I try to tell him, baby, it's good enough now, much better than what anyone would expect for such work. And he mutters back: No, it's just not done yet, give me a few more days.. and there he continues, sweating away hour after hour, barely even allows himself to take a two minute break.

Another funny thing I got to think about when I saw this photo. After only knowing us previously through the blog, William said to Alex the other day: But you really smile a lot! Like it was a surprising discovery. In the blog, Alex might have a serious appearance most of the times, but that's only because he feels uncomfortable posing, and unfortunately I must be the evil partner who asks him to do just that for the blog from time to time. 

Well well, all the things we put each other through, but at least I have my very own Michelangelo in the house.

And here's a few Michelangelo quotes that could as well be from Alex himself:

"The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection." 

"Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I can accomplish."

"It is well with me when only I have a chisel in my hand."

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”

“Genius is eternal patience. ”

“Draw, Antonio; draw, Antonio; draw and don’t waste time.”

Seriously, I cannot stop laughing...

Reggie, we miss you, get your ass over here soon please!

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Just the regular dispute

One of our favorite topics of argument here in our 30 m²/300 sq ft existence is cleaning and organization of things onboard. I might not have been the tidiest person all my life and I can be the cause of a hurricane mess from time to time, but the older I get, the more have I learnt that a fresh clean home makes for a better organized mind and gives mental peace. A tidy surrounding also helps you to make better decisions and give harmony, compared to the stress and unconscious unbalance a home full of clutter can cause. It really is metaphorical for life itself. The less distractions and mess around you, the better and happier will you feel.

Since we're undergoing a larger refit, it has been inevitable to have things and tools all over which I till some extent have understanding for. I definitely see the point in all Alex's stuff and am happy to have them around as he's capable of handling all the work onboard with them. But I'm also allergic to having them laying around in our living space when they're not in absolute current use. I definitely like having things stowed away, rather than constantly being reminded of the tiring jobs we have to take care of. This could easily be solved in a house or apartment as you probably have at least four times larger living area than what we have on a boat. It's all a bit trickier on such a small space like the one we live and work within.

Since Alex doesn't care as much but is more used to having things in an "organized chaos", as he calls it, this often causes fights about where and why and how to store things. Pretty frustrating.

He's like: "Have you ever seen a workshop with tools and materials inside of the lockers? They're obviously all over the place so you can see what you're working with and so you'll easier know where they are when you need them next time!"

"Excuse me, this is not a fucking workshop, it is our home."

You can easily understand that if already the designation for what this boat is, is undefined and not agreed upon, then there's no escaping fights around the subject.

Since the larger bulkhead jobs are done and he's moved onto some smaller projects now, it is much easier for me to get my will through and finally be able to stove away and organize the way I want. With the obligatory arguments of course but at least stuff gets hidden from my direct view. Peace for my mind at last!

The area which is now the only dedicated area for tools, besides the lockers in which they belong, is the one you see in the image. The couch (minus cushions) and the shelf above has become the workshop of moment. If Alex would get his weird will through, the whole boat would still be covered with all these tool boxes, epoxy cans and buckets full of filler. In every room, on every open space, in every corner. In case he'd need it in the nearest future. But like I always say - unless I'm very drunk - I am the more rational decision maker of us two. Depending on who you ask of course.

Note that I made the image b/w to not, more than necessary, hurt your eyes with the disorder. You're welcome.

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Thank you, and who is btw that quiet mysterious man in the blog?

Sun has just disappeared behind the skyscrapers and I'm pouring myself another glass of wine.

Thank you so very much for the time you have taken to leave your comment today. 69 comments, 27 emails and 9 Facebook comments later and I think I now have a pretty good idea on why you're following our journey and this blog. I am so immensely thankful and proud to have such inspiring and intelligent readers and it amazes me what an astonishing mixture of people that are following us on a daily or weekly basis. It must be every writers and photographers dream to be able to reach out to such a wide, diverse audience - men and women, young and old, the intellectual as well as the superficial, from every part of the world, from every social group. I know this is "just" a blog and I know that all of you are busy with much more in your lives than just reading and following our journey, but the words I've read by you today makes me more than ever realize why I am doing this. Why I am sharing this journey with you. You inspire me individually, and you inspire me as a group. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading and writing to us. 

So many questions followed along in these emails and comments so I figured I might as well answer them right right here right now. Some of the thoughts I've received today cracked me up and I've laughed out loud. Some filled my eyes with tears of joy, proud for having found you, or you finding us or however it now happened. One rarely thinks about it when writing in the comfort of home, just another day in front of the computer, but of course since I share only parts and small glimpses of our lives, there are a lot of suppositions born out of the incomplete picture that I've painted. Some ideas are true and some of you seem to know me and us pretty well. Then there are a lot of very amusing misunderstandings or faulty assumptions that I'd like to clear out, if I may:

1. This is the funniest, but maybe also the most common misunderstanding: That "Alex is the quiet one of us two". Ha! Forgive me for laughing so hard that I'm spilling red wine all over myself but truth is that Alex is everything except quiet. He doesn't like writing though and he has a very complicated relationship with computers and Internet in general. Sometimes I have to literally force him to be in touch with friends and family back home, as he simply isn't a man of digital communication. He rather spends his time on real life experiences, and even though it can sometimes be frustrating for some that he isn't that very good at Internet or even phone calls, I somehow admire and support that side of him. It is rare for a man or a person to be so ignorant to the whole digital life with which most of us spend 50% of our awaken time if not more. He is involved in the blog in the way that I always make him read my articles before I post them, as I want him to agree on what is going to get said. He is the other half of the story after all.

Since Alex has chosen not to write or speak about himself in public, I have out of respect for him tried to limit the information about feelings and thoughts that comes from his mind. It's not my job to share his inner me, and therefore you will have to bear with my single sided ramblings and thoughts on this journey. Sorry, I wish there was something I could do and I can so much feel your curiosity, but I've tried and it failed so we must just leave him alone. But believe me, if you got to know him (and most blog readers get very surprised when they do) you would quickly realize that he has quite a character. I wouldn't say he's loud per se, but he has an opinion about exactly everything. While being very kind, supportive and caring - he's also a proud, French (not to forget), strong willed man. And as I'm also a person full of opinions, the mixture of us two can very often lead to argumentation. That's also something you would realize very quickly if you got to know us two, that we are often discussing and (lovingly?) arguing about something. It drives me insane sometimes that he is as strong headed as he is, and I know very well that this feeling is mutual. There has been a few (many) times that we have wanted to kick the other overboard, but luckily we are as good at making up as we are at driving each other mad. Some call it passion and that might as well be a big part of our lives. What I know is that we both do get very much involved and are extremely enthusiastic about all things we love or dislike in life.

And did I tell you he loves talking about boats, sailing, technicalities, mechanical installations and that he also loves sharing his wide knowledge with others, anyone who's willing to listen? Dude, if I don't know now, by heart, how to escape a storm or how to surface prepare bulkheads for glassing, I probably never will.

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Listening to you, it does make sense to cut down my posts to shorter rather than keeping them longer not have anyone falling asleep on the last few sentences. So let me get back to you in a short while again. I'm completely and totally impressed by all what we've received today. Somehow it feels like we are getting a bit closer to each other, You and me. Or is that the wine speaking? Either way, I have a lot of posts and thoughts in mind now, all because of the inspiration of your words. Thank you very much for that and speak again very soon. 

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The gain of the journey

So if family, friends and certain type of food are what we occasionally miss when sailing far from home, what are the actual reasons to why we're doing this in the first place? Cause there must be many things that overshadows the longing of the familiar? 

- The freedom of course. To be untied to everything. No one is telling us what to do with our time. With the exception of when waiting for things to arrive or so, we can always pack up and leave whenever we wish. And we can practically steer the boat wherever we want to. Now, we do make a few plans for ourselves, plans that inevitably steers us into a certain direction, but it's relieving to know that we could change those plans whenever we would want to, and go somewhere completely different.

- The distance. While the distance to friends and family is hard at times, it certainly is good to learn who and what exactly you're heart and mind is longing for. We have always been away from our families in different longer periods so no real news in that sense. But this time is different, as we have no one else with us but each other. The distance is also good for the reason that you begin to understand and see the beauty of the different episodes in life that passed, and you learn to appreciate the different places you've been before, as you now get a new sort of perspective to it all. 

- The rewarding feeling of being self sufficient. We rely on nothing and no one but ourselves. If we want our fridge or lights on the boat to work properly, we need sun or wind energy to keep it running. If we want to change location, we are the ones who have to work to get there. Meaning: plan the route, raise the sails, avoid bad weather and deal with it when it arrives. Find and clear in with the customs when we get to a new destination. Learn the culture and traditions of the new place we visit. If something's broken on our ship, we will repair it ourselves. As we have no traditional jobs, we need to find ways to survive and so on. Though it occasionally is a lot of hard work with the boat, and we sometimes get stuck in seriously bad weather - it is extremely fulfilling to know that all what we do and all what we get to experience, happens solely because of our own efforts. The harder we work, the more do we get to see, and the safer and more comfortable will we live.

- Love for each other. Like I earlier mentioned, we do miss our other people a lot, and there obviously are days when we wish to kill each other. But in the end, the fundamental reason to why we are here, why we started this journey, and what makes us go through the hardships that a lifestyle like this brings - is because we love each other and we want to be together. This journey has taught us a lot about, not only ourselves, but also one another. Inevitably, we have come closer to each other and grew the relationship stronger than what we probably would have if we were living under normal, land based circumstances. We see the three of us (boat included) as our little family, and we all have a need of each other, as well as a need and will to keep all of us happy and strong. Sometimes we get the question if we would want to have children, and no that's in none of our plans. There's too much time spent on taking care of the family that we already have. We wouldn't want to be attached and locked up with even more work so to say. Maybe in the future. 

- The education and experiences we get. So many life lessons we've learnt on this journey. Not only about ourselves and each other, but we get to see many different places and learn to know many different cultures. Now for example, we've spent almost two years in the Caribbean. Who knew we would ever spend such a long time in the West Indies? Was never our intention anyway, but looking at it from retro perspective, it has been tremendously rewarding. We've got to know a whole new culture. We know a bit about what is important to the people of the Caribbean, what they eat, who they are, what music do they listen to - in general. Our preconceptions got challenged many a time and some experiences have totally surprised us. We are definitely much richer in knowledge now than when we got here. And to know that we have many more portions of the world, in different locations with different types of people, nature, food and culture to explore, is just a very intriguing thought. Even though we sometimes miss our own culture a lot - the wonderful Mediterranean flair, light, food, people - we still want to take the opportunity to explore more of the world, to be able to compare for the future. We'd like to be totally sure of where in the world we should settle with that house we wish to build for ourselves. I think we will always be sailing for as long as we stick together, but of course having an own house, a new life project, is one of our ultimate dreams. But first we need to find out where.

- We lead a much healthier and more balanced life. So many aspects of this, but to begin with - the air that we breath, clean and unpolluted. The food that we eat - sometimes straight from the sea, but always as fresh and natural as can be. We get to swim whenever we'd like, hike in beautiful, natural surroundings. We are simply much closer to nature and can take part of it and it's energizing effects whenever and we do take advantage of that as much as we can.

- The peace and beauty of nature. The ocean, wildlife, magnificent sunsets, the ever so changing weather - we're part of it all by living in the midst of it. I wouldn't want my life to be different in that sense. I've learnt to wake up with the sun, and I get tired when it's melting down in the horizon at night. I hear the waves lapping gently on the hull when I go to sleep, or you hear them crash violently on shore when weather is rough. My body and soul is tuned to the energies of the world in a way much different to before and it's refreshing to live right in the middle of the natural happenings of this gorgeous globe that we live in. The raw and unforgiving ocean doesn't make things up or pretend, it's just there, does what it's always done and will do so till the end of the days. There is something extremely relieving with living in a natural and unpretentious world like that. It is what it is, no one is ever going to change that. I love that thought. The purity of it. The sun will get up and give you light each morning, the water will carry you across oceans if you're conscious enough. The birds, fishes, dolphins and turtles are here for a reason and gives you joy and childish pleasure along the way and the sun will inevitably leave you each night. It's pure magic, and we get to experience it front row, every single day. 

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What were we doing before this trip?

 So back to the questions you had for us. Here's one from Inga in Norway:

Hi Taru! I've fallen head over heels with your blog. Lovely pictures and you write beautiful texts I can reqognize myself in. It also remindes me of what I really want from this life - it's terrifyingly easy to loose yourself and your dreams in the everyday buzz. I was wondering if you (and Alex) have studied, in case what? And when you were in Dubai and Barcelona, what did you do for a living? Good luck further on, I'm going to follow you along the way :) Inga

Many of you have asked this before, so here's an attempt to make a short recap of our past. As for Alex professional background: He owned and operated a successful mastering studio when we met, a beautiful studio that he sold just before we took off on this journey. He had it running for approximately ten years of his life, first in France, then Barcelona, following a mastering engineering education of three years after high school. Before starting with mastering professionally, he was working in various recording and mixing studios, as well as a FOH engineer during concerts. In the weekends, he also spent many years of his twenties and early thirties working as a DJ in great clubs and bars around in Europe.

Around the age of 24-26, he also had time to be a surf teacher on the Atlantic coast of France in the summers. Someone earlier asked why Alex has such good knowledge in composite work, and that's because as a boat owner for many years in different periods, he's always been interested in the structural aspect of the boats he owned and so he's taken some courses in France when he was still living there. In between all of this, he occasionally also worked with composite for several yachts. As well as occasionally worked as a skipper for private yachts in the Med.
Alex in his studio in Barcelona around that time that we first met.

My part will be a bit longer as so many girls have asked me this along the years. If you were looking for a traditional role model, I must make you disappointed because I basically skipped much of my studies in high school and have no post-secondary education whatsoever. I've always worked hard though with the exception of a couple years, and I've tried many different things on the way. To list a few of the random jobs that I've had until the age of 23 or so: Worked with market research, as a receptionist, as a conference organizer, waiter, shop assistant in a delicacy shop  and all those things one can do when you're young and not necessarily have an education. Education was never really important to me as I always saw the world as my teacher. That I could gain the knowledge and experience I needed out there somewhere through travels, encounters with different types of people from different cultures and social backgrounds. I always worked for like six months or a year, then traveled, then got back home to work again and so it continued until the day that I realized I wanted something on my own. I decided pretty early that if I was to work for someone, I'd do it for myself. And I always lived by the motto that if I was going to spend a minimum of forty hours a week on working to pay my bills, it better be with something that I truthfully loved. So before Dubai, and Barcelona round 2 (I lived in Bcn one summer in between work in my early twenties too), I opened my very own fashion store online:
 
With some help by a government grant that I got as my business plan was approved, I got my little business started. I had that online store running for almost three years until the day that I completely lost the passion I had when I first started, and it also didn't give enough profit for me to continue working as hard as I was doing. Here a couple photos from that time:
I was so blonde back then.. first image is from my store. In addition to the online shop I had, I also had a physical store for six months or so. The location was ideal but the rent was terribly high so I closed that store down after a trial period and went back to focus only on the online part. Second image is from Alexander mc Queens after party in Paris on one of the buying trips during fashion week. 

My time as a store owner brought me endless of lessons and it was naturally a very good educational time for me. After I closed down my shop, I gave myself the permission to take a break and leave Sweden again to explore and indulge in another culture and country. The search for something unique, wild and different brought me to Dubai where I had visited a couple times previous. I don't know if you've ever been to Dubai but it's often called Las Vegas on speed. I can with honesty say that my time there was probably not the most productive year of my life. I wished to open a fashion agency there to import and introduce a few Scandinavian fashion labels to the UAE. This proved to be a great challenge of course and all the complications with paperwork, local sponsors and the huge investment required slowly got me realize that those particular dreams probably were too massive for a little girl from Scandinavia to fulfill on her own. During the time that I was in the Middle East, I probably spent around 70% of my waking time on partying and enjoying life, in Dubai and the neighboring countries. Not sure how much I did actually enjoy the thing we call real life, but there was a lot of partying going on for sure. Here's a couple images from my time in Dubai:
Dubai is a very hectic, superficial and somewhat mentally draining city to live in though it was just what I needed/wanted during that particular time. My time there opened my eyes to many things that wouldn't normally enter my membrane so for all that I'm very thankful. It taught me a lot of life lessons. I left the UAE around a year or so after I got there and moved back to Barcelona where I had briefly lived in my early twenties. Shortly after I had gotten back to Spain and regained my entrepreneurial energy, I built an online tourist guide for the discerning traveler in Barcelona. I obviously had the online experience from my days as a web-shop owner, and eating and drinking out in beautiful places were some of my greatest interests so why not make a business out of it. I spent my days photographing and writing articles on the most happening events and places in the city and it certainly wasn't a boring job. This is the online guide that I developed:
I collaborated with the best hotels, restaurants, bars, nightclubs and shops in Barcelona. All worked just as I had envisioned and I had some great advertisers booked. But then in the midst of marketing and getting the word out, I met Alex and somehow we talked each other into setting sail and leaving for a journey across the oceans of the world..
Newly in love on Alex previous beautiful little boat, Caos, in which we started this journey.

I can't say it was the easiest decision I have done in my life, to let go of the new endeavor that I had just built up and got started, something that I truly loved and felt passionated about, in a city where I felt right at home and surrounded by a lot of people that I loved. But something with Alex offered and tempted me with more. It was not very easy for him either to let go of his life and to sell a business he had operated and built up for ten years, but somehow we both just did it. For me personally, I saw the journey as a chance to build my photography portfolio and spend more time on writing, both of which had always been my passions and which I wanted to bring to the next level.
 
It wasn't like we were looking for something to happen as we both were very busy doing what we were doing. We were in fact very happy and content with our lives in Barcelona as well as with our own achievements in our day to day reality. But we still decided to let go and get out there. I guess that in the end, we all are suckers for real love and once you find that special one, nothing can come in between. And here we are, three years later. First year was spent on accustom ourselves to living aboard Alex's boat together and get rid of our material things. And the following two years has now been spent sailing from Spain to Morocco, across the Atlantic ocean, sold the old boat and got a new one, explored a new world here in the Caribbean, we've slowly but surely built up our little (blog) business, I have got additional photography and writing assignments, we have finalized some major work on the new-old boat and that's basically where we are right now. It has been hard many times in between, you know that already if you've read our blog, but so worth it if you look at what we have actually achieved. 

So if we're talking about education and career, one could say that we now have combined some of our previous experiences into something new. The journey, and this blog, is sort of an extension of many of our interests combined. Though we both miss our previous lives very much from time to time, we both truly feel as if we have found the right thing for us, at least for this moment of our lives. Like always, there's always a way to do what you truthfully love, and if there's no obvious, beaten path towards your dreams, one can always create that road for oneself, from scratch.

I hope this answers your question Inga!

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Happy 39th Birthday My Love

You thought it was your fortieth when we discussed yet another year, last night. That's how much you pay attention to worldly subjects. Next month it's three years since we met the first time. Almost three years of ongoing challenges, love and all what's brought in between. I think I never believed that I would stay in one relationship this long. Being a fan of passion, progress and constant excitement, I was sure that there was a magical 2 or 2,5 year limit on any kind of love relationship. You have showed me different. 

There are moments when I simply can't get my head around the fact that we are a couple and that we actually have chosen to live on such a confined space together. Only You and Me. Just Me and You. Yet there are more days when I thank my lucky stars for me staying in Barcelona that weekend when we first got introduced to each other. I was supposed to be on the other side of the world, remember?  

You have proved to me that good, strong love is worth fighting for, they don't come around too often. Even through hardships and moments of almost hating each other, you have always been quick to come to a resolution, making me laugh and forget about whatever-we-were-fighting-about-now-again. You are stubborn, but I'm even more so, so I thank you for most of the times, being the one who ends our fights.

I think I have never argued with anyone about the same things so many times as I have with you, yet when analyzing the substance of our arguments, we both realize their meaninglessness in the long run. Thank god it's only such stupid and simple things that we argue about, in the end. Through this challenging journey, we have many times raised our voice more than necessary, just to prove a point or because we've, momentarily, been fed up with each other as a result of us being with one another 24/7 for two long years. And there was a time, when our world seemed to be nothing but a huge prolonged challenge, when I thought I had had enough of us. When I was almost sure of that our relationship had come to an end and I left for Europe to catch up with my old self again, you never lost hope and persistently did everything in your power to convince me to come back. So many things told me you were right and having an objective view of it now, I can't even imagine how life would have been without you as my partner.  

I trust you from the bottom of my heart, in a way that would make any woman confidently relax. The fact that you literally build a home for us, and are able to move mountains to make us comfortable and happy, has a fundamental meaning which gives my soul a sort of comfort and peacefulness that is hard to explain. I can see no better father for my future children than you, as I know that you will always do whatever is in your power to protect the ones that you love. I feel safe with you. Secure, calm and satisfied with you.  

Despite our many dissimilarities, I have never met anyone with whom I am such a great combination. People say that we are the perfect team, and if they only knew half of the similarities we do share, those that are not visible with bare eyes. You have made me a so much better person, on so many different levels and if I have been able to do the same for you, I know we are on the right track. More than once I have doubted on our to be or not to, but almost three years, 12.000 miles of sailing, one big crisis, a short break from each other and thousands of challenges later, I still come to the same conclusion, which is that in the total, there is no better man for me. If I have finally learnt what true love is, it is because of you. 

Happy Birthday, I hope that I will have the privilege to share many more with you in the future.

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Memories of our first year together

So I'm still in London for a few more days and I spoke to Alex on Skype earlier. We got all sentimental when remembering the beginning of our life on the boat. How exciting everything was, our dreams were big and we had so much to look forward to. Two years later, we have achieved many of those dreams already, we've got to learn a lot of things about ourselves, each other and the new life that we so slowly had started to get accustomed to when these photos were taken, and yet there are still so many things and dreams to learn and to fulfill on this journey. All these photos are from Europe and our Mediterranean cruise that we did exactly two years ago, in the summer of 2010, before the official circumnavigation started. Can't help but miss Mediterranean when looking through these images, yet we can't wait to explore some of South America and further continue out into the South Pacific ocean as soon as we get the possibility to do so. Every place has it's own thrill and beauty and we are anxious to get out there exploring more of all what this world has on offer, new places and horizons are yet to be discovered. Will also be amazing to continue the journey from the Caribbean and forward with our newest family member, Duende.

11 comments