Showing posts with label Philosophy. Show all posts

through ups and downs and into something greater

I wonder if in ten years from now we'll still be working on perfecting details on the boat. Building, repairing and thinking out new ways to make a compromised life a little more comfortable, more efficient. More homey. With less, smarter and quicker arguments. A smoother work flow. Would work pretty fine for me, for Alex too I believe. As long as progress is evident. As long as it's all improving. Little by little.

It's curious the way things in life turn out. 

It sometimes hits me; how did we end up on this road? And however tedious and challenging it might be at times; how could I ever want anything different? 

I can only imagine but it seems that living a life like we do (4,5 years on the boat now). In which we've made an active choice to live on water. In ten times less living area than most people we know. Despite the lack of space and all the comforts most people require in life. With sleepless nights riding through storms at sea. I can imagine it to be a bit like giving birth and raising children. Or like running and maintaining a larger farm. 

You know your choice of lifestyle will mean massive amount of work, both physical and mental. It will drain you and put your patience to test. There will be frustrating moments when you ask yourself whatever the hell am I doing this for. There will be mornings you rather stay in bed all day and pretend you had chosen an easier path. Nights when you want to hammer yourself near unconscious just to forget, for a little while, the hardships you've voluntarily have thrown upon your shoulders.

It will come times when you look back in the rearview mirror. And for a brief moment you will be absolutely certain that life was better, easier, more meaningful when you were twenty something with no worries at all.

You will remember people, places, friendships, relationships and it will momentarily appear as if "that was the time of my life!". You will fool yourself to believe that even the most fleeting moments of past had offered more substance and meaning than the tiresome reality of today.

But then comes next day. With moments of enlightenment and higher spirits.

When things feels just so right.

And deep inside you'll know that you wouldn't change it for anything. You'll realize, again. And again. That it's all for something greater. As the rewards of all your combined efforts and all the pain you've gone through and will continue to face gives meaning and true fulfillment to your existence.

It taught you what one important source of true happiness is. What love, sacrifice and devotion means.

Isn't that the meaning of life, after all? To find that one thing that makes you burn and then slowly let it kill you.

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The game of life

Congratulations to us, they say it's going to be an unusually cold winter here this year! Only six months till spring now, ha! Everyday's an adventure. I'm serious. Have you ever felt as if life were a complex strategy game with no stop button? A game we're forced to be part of and for which you are calmly supposed to analyze best directions and evaluate most profitable outcome, duck and dive for unexpected events and somehow straighten things out so not to fall too deep off the steep hills on each side of your path. 

That's how I feel most often, I'm one of seven billion game pieces patiently maneuvering my way through the vast board of life. It's a thought which in real life enables me to not take things too seriously as I know it's all a ploy anyway. That sounds cynical I know (and I haven't even got started on my beloved conspiracy theories), but I do gain great pleasure, comfort, as well as liberty in knowing that it's all going to move on whether I want it to or not. I can choose to tactically move with the game of life and with some distance to it all enjoy and reap from the moments, challenges and tests that are constantly thrown at me, or I could choose to fight against hardships and trials and make the way forward heavier than necessary. 

Life is like a game of chess, part luck - mostly strategy, the better we learn to master the game, the greater chance to lead a successful life. With successful I don't necessarily mean in terms of financial success from a career perspective, but in how much enjoyment, love and peace of mind that we gain along the way. For those are what are the most important to me in the end: to lead a healthy, pleasurable life where least time is spent on worrying, complaining and having regrets. Money is obviously an important aspect as it gives us freedom which in turn gives us satisfaction (if the satisfaction is true and spending under control), but I believe that when you work towards doing what you love and play the game of life with open mind and awareness, the rewards will inevitably find your way. One step at a time. Believe in the process. Learn from your mistakes. Have respect for life and its ups and downs and things will eventually work in your favor.

That said, I don't think there is a magic formula or a higher knowledge that can make any or every human being happy, successful and at peace for the rest of our lives as there are some events that can drastically transform our existence forever. Death, illness and injury for example. Those are all parts of the game too. Unfortunately perhaps, but still as much part of life as life itself. What I mean is merely that while we still have the physical ability to co-create our own lives, we should always choose that opportunity.

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Christmas contemplations

Christmas is always a bit weird to me to be honest. If I'm speaking for myself, I've been raised in two different families in two different episodes of my life and I suddenly got a third (big) family as late as when I was sixteen years old, so Christmas has always brought a certain type of ambivalent feeling to me. Being far from the families that remains (many of the key people from my childhood Christmases have passed away in recent years), this years Christmas* was for me a time of reflection more than anything else.

Now this was not what I wanted to speak about today, but I thought I'd might answer one of the questions I received on my previous post from yesterday. This one is from "Manolo":

"It would be interesting to hear what you see is the the difference 
between Christmas and New Year, and Christmas and your blog 
(which also is kind of commercial). Thanks!"

I realize that speaking about ideologies as this one, is as tricky as discussing politics with a group of mixed minds. People have different world-views and they are hard to move around once you're absolutely convinced of your personal standing. I haven't yet had the energy to confront the many upset republicans who urged me to explain myself when I made this post. But even if I did tell my view (which is that whomever it would have been that opposed Mr Romney and his old-fashion ideologies about what rights a woman or a homosexual should have 2012, he would have got my vote**, Obama in this case), republicans would still be upset with me because I didn't pay attention to the tax issue and the financial situation of the country. Questions which completely flew out of the window the moment I realized that a man with such huge influence and potential power, was suggesting that women shouldn't have the right to have control over their own lives and bodies. Even if I think it should be obvious that the bigoted mentality that Romney stands for shouldn't be embraced and promoted in a modern society in the twenty-first century, there will always be people who choose to put those particular questions aside and instead aim focus to something entirely different.

So back to the complexity of Christmas. I do believe that Christmas is a good tradition in the sense that family and friends can get together and enjoy good food and cozy moments in the company of each other, and that is the part of it that I enjoy. But on the other hand, I see the so called celebration as something utterly destructive in the sense that it creates such stress and pressure to many people for no real, legitimate reason. First of all we mustn't forget why our societies around the globe have decided to celebrate on each December 25th (24th in some cases) - and that is to commemorate the birth of Jesus. Now, I am not a believer of Jesus to begin with, but I can understand the ones of you who are and that this day might be a grand day for you in that aspect. But for me it is as alien to celebrate the birth of baby jesus as it is to get married and have children just because "everyone else does it". Furthermore, along these materialistic years of our existence, Christmas has sort of lost it's original, peaceful meaning, and instead become a commercialized event where stores put up Christmas music and decorations and begin to push gift items already in late summer, using Christmas as an excuse to run sales. 

The further we move (sail) away from the materialistic world, the more disgusted do I become of overconsumption in general. While Alex and I still enjoy good, qualitative things, we do not want the need of them to control or consume too much of our lives. I know that many people on this planet are trapped in the hysteria of constantly adding more products, clothes, gadgets and things to their lives, and I can only see that as something wasteful when I know there is a certain peace and fullness that comes with owning and wanting less. But of course, that is only my personal view and of course if material is important to you, you will naturally think I am a fool for suggesting a Christmas without the stress of decorating and maxing your credit card while supporting the stores and the whole commercial campaign that it is. 

After all this is said, it might be interesting for some to raise the question, "what is the different between Christmas as a commercialized institution, and our blog which obviously serves as a means of income through sponsored goods and advertising campaigns?" And while I in no way feel obliged to defend ourselves because one commercial phenomenon doesn't necessarily need to be connected to another, I can anyway share what I see is the difference for the ones who might see things differently. Firstly, this blog is not here to fool you to buy things for the sake of a greedy market and a twisted society, smartly covered in jolly red paper, jingle bells and old fat men with white long beard. You do not actually spend money on reading this blog but you visit this space because you want inspiration or a quick escape from your every day life. This blog is what you could compare with your favorite (or most hated in some cases) magazine which is supported by advertising and sponsored campaigns, because let's face it, a glossy magazine cannot support itself just by producing material and distributing the magazine to its readers. Just as we cannot sail around the world and share our story with you as frequently as we do just by sailing and writing about our experiences. Bonus for you though is that you don't even have to pay to read this magazine which you probably would need to do for a printed equivalent. And if you do not like the ads or the content of this blog, you are free to leave and never return. I think we've been pretty transparent with the way we make money through this blog and it should be quite obvious to you that you in no way are obliged to pay for the time you spend on here. But of course if companies are interested in showing themselves for our dear readers, they are more than welcome to pay us for the wide publicity we are able to offer and in that way we can continue sharing this journey with you all. You might see it with another sort of glasses, but we choose to think of it as a win-win situation where we all gain a piece of pleasure.

Just like most of you, we too must have a job that brings food to the table and this blog is one of the ways we have chosen as a way to support ourselves. But that doesn't in any way mean that I would feel the need of supporting a hysterical tradition that is only there to make us all spend as much money as we possibly can - because I simply don't see the point in it. But then again, that is only my side of the story and in whatever way you choose to spend this time of the year, it is totally up to you. Sometimes I just wished that more people would question the things that are happening around us in the society, rather than being yet another follower that does things just the way "they've always been done". A lot of stress and anxiety would be released from this world if more people would learn to do only the things that they truthfully felt were right and natural to themselves rather than paying too much attention to what we have been taught in school, media, church or on the streets of our local society.

And lastly, what do I see as the difference between New Year and Christmas? Well as long as it has no religious association or if it doesn't urge me to spend my money on things PLUS if there's a party to be had, how could I disapprove. The end of another year also quite brilliantly marks the start to a new beginning and you all should know how much I love new beginnings. Life is a beautiful wonder and we should find reasons to celebrate it as much as we can with the ones that we love without stress nor anxiety. Be it during Christmas, New Year or any other given day of the year.

* In many European countries we celebrate Christmas on the night of the 24th.
** My passive, mental vote that is as I am not American and thus am or were in no position to actually and physically give my vote in the election.

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The gain of the journey

So if family, friends and certain type of food are what we occasionally miss when sailing far from home, what are the actual reasons to why we're doing this in the first place? Cause there must be many things that overshadows the longing of the familiar? 

- The freedom of course. To be untied to everything. No one is telling us what to do with our time. With the exception of when waiting for things to arrive or so, we can always pack up and leave whenever we wish. And we can practically steer the boat wherever we want to. Now, we do make a few plans for ourselves, plans that inevitably steers us into a certain direction, but it's relieving to know that we could change those plans whenever we would want to, and go somewhere completely different.

- The distance. While the distance to friends and family is hard at times, it certainly is good to learn who and what exactly you're heart and mind is longing for. We have always been away from our families in different longer periods so no real news in that sense. But this time is different, as we have no one else with us but each other. The distance is also good for the reason that you begin to understand and see the beauty of the different episodes in life that passed, and you learn to appreciate the different places you've been before, as you now get a new sort of perspective to it all. 

- The rewarding feeling of being self sufficient. We rely on nothing and no one but ourselves. If we want our fridge or lights on the boat to work properly, we need sun or wind energy to keep it running. If we want to change location, we are the ones who have to work to get there. Meaning: plan the route, raise the sails, avoid bad weather and deal with it when it arrives. Find and clear in with the customs when we get to a new destination. Learn the culture and traditions of the new place we visit. If something's broken on our ship, we will repair it ourselves. As we have no traditional jobs, we need to find ways to survive and so on. Though it occasionally is a lot of hard work with the boat, and we sometimes get stuck in seriously bad weather - it is extremely fulfilling to know that all what we do and all what we get to experience, happens solely because of our own efforts. The harder we work, the more do we get to see, and the safer and more comfortable will we live.

- Love for each other. Like I earlier mentioned, we do miss our other people a lot, and there obviously are days when we wish to kill each other. But in the end, the fundamental reason to why we are here, why we started this journey, and what makes us go through the hardships that a lifestyle like this brings - is because we love each other and we want to be together. This journey has taught us a lot about, not only ourselves, but also one another. Inevitably, we have come closer to each other and grew the relationship stronger than what we probably would have if we were living under normal, land based circumstances. We see the three of us (boat included) as our little family, and we all have a need of each other, as well as a need and will to keep all of us happy and strong. Sometimes we get the question if we would want to have children, and no that's in none of our plans. There's too much time spent on taking care of the family that we already have. We wouldn't want to be attached and locked up with even more work so to say. Maybe in the future. 

- The education and experiences we get. So many life lessons we've learnt on this journey. Not only about ourselves and each other, but we get to see many different places and learn to know many different cultures. Now for example, we've spent almost two years in the Caribbean. Who knew we would ever spend such a long time in the West Indies? Was never our intention anyway, but looking at it from retro perspective, it has been tremendously rewarding. We've got to know a whole new culture. We know a bit about what is important to the people of the Caribbean, what they eat, who they are, what music do they listen to - in general. Our preconceptions got challenged many a time and some experiences have totally surprised us. We are definitely much richer in knowledge now than when we got here. And to know that we have many more portions of the world, in different locations with different types of people, nature, food and culture to explore, is just a very intriguing thought. Even though we sometimes miss our own culture a lot - the wonderful Mediterranean flair, light, food, people - we still want to take the opportunity to explore more of the world, to be able to compare for the future. We'd like to be totally sure of where in the world we should settle with that house we wish to build for ourselves. I think we will always be sailing for as long as we stick together, but of course having an own house, a new life project, is one of our ultimate dreams. But first we need to find out where.

- We lead a much healthier and more balanced life. So many aspects of this, but to begin with - the air that we breath, clean and unpolluted. The food that we eat - sometimes straight from the sea, but always as fresh and natural as can be. We get to swim whenever we'd like, hike in beautiful, natural surroundings. We are simply much closer to nature and can take part of it and it's energizing effects whenever and we do take advantage of that as much as we can.

- The peace and beauty of nature. The ocean, wildlife, magnificent sunsets, the ever so changing weather - we're part of it all by living in the midst of it. I wouldn't want my life to be different in that sense. I've learnt to wake up with the sun, and I get tired when it's melting down in the horizon at night. I hear the waves lapping gently on the hull when I go to sleep, or you hear them crash violently on shore when weather is rough. My body and soul is tuned to the energies of the world in a way much different to before and it's refreshing to live right in the middle of the natural happenings of this gorgeous globe that we live in. The raw and unforgiving ocean doesn't make things up or pretend, it's just there, does what it's always done and will do so till the end of the days. There is something extremely relieving with living in a natural and unpretentious world like that. It is what it is, no one is ever going to change that. I love that thought. The purity of it. The sun will get up and give you light each morning, the water will carry you across oceans if you're conscious enough. The birds, fishes, dolphins and turtles are here for a reason and gives you joy and childish pleasure along the way and the sun will inevitably leave you each night. It's pure magic, and we get to experience it front row, every single day. 

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Jealous and bitter


The above screenshot is from a blog that I found when reading through the daily links that comes to our blog on the Internet. It's written by a Swedish blog reader and if I translate it to English it would go something like:

Jealous and bitter

This is a blog (link to our blog) that I'm reading sometimes, when I'm in the mood. It's written by a couple who seem to be crazy in love and they are very beautiful. It is almost like they don't exist. They have left the boring life at home and gone sailing, around the world.

So I'm reading, and am impressed by their drive. That they dared. That they had money to do it. And I'm dreaming away. And I get jealous, and bitter. Because they dared, because they had money to do it. Because I cannot.

Isn't that the worst thing that can happen to you? To be jealous and bitter, no one wants to be that way.

So I'm trying not to read their blog too often...
__________________________

Honestly, tears were burning behind my eyelids when I first read this. Not because I felt proud or honored. But because I in some weird way take it personally when people, women in particular, let themselves believe that they are not able to lead the lives they wish. Or when they compare themselves with others and let those comparisons bring them down and make them suffer when they absolutely don't have to. 

Anyone who knows me, knows that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, in this world that gets me fired up faster than when discussing a modern woman's right to choose a life for herself. Nothing makes me so upset than seeing a girl or a woman treat herself in ways that are destructive, stressful or cause anxiety just because she wants to fit in to a role or into something that someone else, media or society, and not herself, has created. I have fought with girlfriends as well as male-friends a thousand times because I've wanted them to be true to themselves, to take better care of their lives and respect the choices and freedom that they have, and to not let other people abuse them nor tell them what to do or not to. I have argued over and over with friends because they have accepted the minimum when they could, with the little tools we all got in our hands - willpower and a bit of focus - get so much more out of our short time we have on this earth. It is such a loaded and sensitive subject to me that I have even broken up with friends in the past because of their inability to stay true to themselves, and thus they've been fake, jealous and destructive to their surroundings as a result of the anxiety and low self-esteem that they've embraced and accepted as major parts of their lives. Neither of which I am interested in having to deal with in my life. Though the older I get, the more I understand that it is hard to help and change everyone, especially those who live deep down in denial, so I try to not get too personal nowadays. It is sometimes better to leave them alone and time will eventually give them more reasons to act. 

Not only have I met this type of mentality and thinking among friends and people I've met during my lifetime, but I have also written different personal blogs for the past seven years and have been in touch with tons of girls and women on a daily basis since 2005. Among many experiences and conclusions that I've made during these years, is that there is an incredible amount of people out there who suffer from anxiety of some sort. People who are confused, bitter, jealous, insecure or fight the wrong battles in life. I have received numerous emails and comments from girls out there who've asked me how I dared to 1.) Open my first own company at 21 2.) To move abroad and live in different parts of the world without close friends or family nearby 3.) Sail around the world 4.) Drop everything and every piece of security for the sake of wanderlust or curiosity 5.) Break up with a partner or a friend when I felt it didn't give me what I had hoped for etc etc. 

Many of these girls/women have expressed their fear of not measuring up, fear of being left alone, not choosing the right path or partner in life, not believing there is something better even though they might be miserable and the list goes on and on and on. And my answer has always been: Why spend time on fear or making excuses when all you need to do is to stop thinking so damn much, set a goal and work your way towards it? If I can do it, you can do it too. If you are capable of deciding that you should wake up 5.45 every single weekday morning to be on time at work at 7 am, you can also choose happiness before misery. It is that simple.

I understand that with the way that I have created this blog, beautiful photography and lots of fun things going on, it might appear as we live a fantastic life. And yes, it is a fantastic life indeed. Because that's what we wanted out of life and we won't settle for less. But it isn't fantastic all.the.time. No ones life is. We did also not get here out of luck nor because we had a lot of money on the bank. We are here because of two focused minds, hard and tiring work, persistence, willpower, many fights and disagreements and a chain of many different choices and coincidences, good and bad, made earlier in life. 

If you read the blog carefully, you will easily see that we have the same problems like everyone else has, just that we do not choose to make them bigger than what they actually are. Alex and I argue about stupid things, we have gone through a relationship crisis and are luckily on the other side of that (first one?). We have loads of work that occupies us and hinders us occasionally from being as free as we would want to. And the money that we got when we sold everything we owned before we left on this journey, they are long gone in the process. We miss our friends and families a lot, and even if we have each other, it does occasionally feel very lonely to live the way we do. We are no perfect human beings neither of us. Both of us have some things with ourselves (and each other!) that we are not perfectly happy with, but we choose to focus on the good things instead of ranting about what we don't have. 

To give you some more information. Neither Alex nor me come from perfectly conventional family backgrounds. Both of us have lived most parts of our lives without some of the most important people in a human beings life. Alex without his biological father, me without my mother. Although we have got good help and guidance along the way from family members and other people who have loved and cared for us, we both have had to work and support ourselves earlier than most others. Our unconventional backgrounds have brought us close to the real side of life and of course we could have chosen to give up and feel sorry for ourselves at many occasions along the way, but instead we have meticulously fought our way forward. Instead of letting fear or anxiety take over our existence, we have since the very early years decided that if something's going to happen here, we better take care of it ourselves. I talk a lot in we-terms when I speak about these things, and it is because if there's one thing Alex and I are similar in, it is exactly this. 

One of my best friends has recently decided that she wanted to quit smoking and she told me some parts of the book which will help her to get over the ten year old addiction. In the book, the author explains, not how to fight against the addiction, but how to change your mindset. You know that smoking is not good for you, so instead of feeling sorry for yourself and fighting the fact that you can't smoke those wonderful cigarettes again, you must brainwash yourself into the realistic understanding that smoking is not for you. Because you do not want to be a slave to something so destructive for yourself. Instead of making it a big deal, you need to simplify and just get over it. Just quit and don't look back. This is the same change of attitude that I always come back to when I speak about a human beings mental wellbeing. Be realistic. Don't overdramatize the change. A change is not definite nor is it dangerous. If you know that you're not happy with whatever you are doing, then just take a deep breath, make a plan and set yourself free. Don't fuss over it. Don't make excuses. Don't try to feed your illusions and do stay focused on what you really want out of your life. And if you do want to make it difficult and continue to lie to yourself, go ahead and make another excuse, but don't come and cry over misery, boredom or anxiety again. You want a change in your life? So it's about time you stand up for who you are, what you want and just get the hell out there and make things happen. 

Before someone comes with an objection, you must understand that I do only talk to the ones of you who desperately are longing for a change of some sort. The ones who dream and long for a change but haven't yet began their new journey. I do not talk to the ones of you who are half/half happy and already accepted that your life is, more or less, OK. Cause you have already decided, right? So do not take what I say personally. 

Without getting too deep into spirituality and affirmations again, but we all should know by now that what you project, is what you get back in return. If you feed your brain with thoughts and feelings of hopelessness, jealousy, anxiety and bitterness, that is where you will stay until you learn better. But if you instead teach yourself that it is fully normal to dream big and fight for what your gut tells you is right, that is the direction your life will be heading. Life is not easy for anyone of us. We all have to go through our own individual hardships and challenges. That's another fact. So with that in mind, why not take the bull by the horns and let the challenges at least bring yourself towards a workable, positive goal. And we all must stop being afraid for disappointments and failure. Personally I love a bit of pain and struggle in some sick kind of way, as I know that it will teach me another important lesson. And if I fail, so what? I have no time to be afraid of failure as that would stop my personal growth. It is our society and people around us who have taught us to be scared of failure. But you don't have to buy into any of that shit, do you understand that?

If I use myself and my younger me as an example: I have not always known exactly what I wanted to do in life, nor with who or where I would live. Those things were always secondary to me. My focus was more of the sort one finds within oneself. The things that always drove me, was the will to become a strong, confident, experienced, stable, genuine and independent woman. Later on, I also promised myself that I'd never settle for any man or friend or relationship that didn't fill my life with genuine love, respect and happiness. All else can get the fuck out of my view, literally. I thank my Grandmother for planting the seeds of strength and independence into my brain. But most of it all, I thank myself for always staying true to my fundamental beliefs and for not compromising on my core values. If anyone comes in to my world and tries to mess up with my beliefs or my feelings, I will gladly show you the door. My life is my life and no one is in charge of it except me.

I have experimented with tons of things in my thirty year old life as I wanted to get to know myself completely and learn what I really wanted out of my time on this planet. Not what people around me, what society, magazines or hollywood movies suggested me to become. But who I was deep within when I was the driver of my own destiny. I've worked for many different companies in many areas and industries to gain experience and learn, mostly, what I did not want to do. I've also worked many years for myself which I eventually found suited me better. I have made a lot of money but I have also been terribly broke at times. I have loved many people and I've left some of them behind. I've spent longer times living with different friends or partners but I have also loved the times I was alone. I have enjoyed and indulged in what life has on offer in every way and dimension imaginable but I have also failed and stumbled hundreds of times. Do I regret any of my experiences? Of course not, not even the bad or the sad ones, as they have made me the full and complex person that I am today. When I had the possibility, I have always traveled. I wanted to see the world and get to know as many cultures, different mindsets and point of views' as I could, as a chance to learn something new. I saw my journeys around the world as an opportunity to grab the best of what I found so that I could construct my own life where I truthfully felt in peace, happiness and harmony. I have gone through many different stages of love, despair, longing, pain, excitement, fear, genuine happiness, sorrow and thrills in one big massive roller coaster. What my experiences have given me, are far greater than any external thing or illusionary projection one could've so intelligently build up around oneself. My life: the good, the bad, the confrontations, joys and struggles that I've been through have made me just what I was dreaming about since I was a young girl. A strong, confident, experienced, stable, genuine and independent woman. And the prove of that is in all what I get back from the world and the wonderful loving people that I have had and have the pleasure to share my life with. 

Let me use a metaphor from a part of Alex's life as another good example. Alex had a dream of owning a classic yacht. A fast, gorgeous sailboat which would fit for our lifestyle yet be safe and strong and take us around the world in safety and good style. Now, I mentioned already that we do not have much savings left and we consider ourselves more poor than rich in terms of money, but that didn't stop him from making his dream a reality. He wanted the best and wouldn't settle for less. So he sold his well equipped, super safe and strong boat, the one we started our journey in. To be able to get what he was dreaming about, which is this very boat that we live and travel in today. He couldn't afford buying a well maintained classic yacht in the size that we needed, so this was the closest we could get. This boat is an old, modern classic racing sailboat and built by one of the more famous sailboat designers (Halsey Herreshoff), though it had been literally abandoned for the past ten years or so. Even when Alex, and not to mention me, saw the devastating amount of job that he would have to initiate, he still refused to look another way. He saw the great potential under the dust of this yacht and he dared to dream beyond the mess that he had put himself into. And now we are here, almost a year later and the boat is steadily getting back to the beautiful standard that she once were in, if not better. What I wanted to say with all of this is that the change to the better didn't come for free. Alex has been working on this boat from eight in the morning till sometimes midnight in order to make his dream come true. He had a vision of what would make him and us happy and he stuck to it. He saw no other option than to go through the sweaty, hard work, day and night, seven days a week, just to get to where we are today. The option of staying with a boat that made him unhappy was nonexistent. The worst thing he could have done to himself, would have been to accept the safety, comfort and the risk-free situation of staying with the boat that we had before.

I think that one of the worst disfavors you can do to yourself, is to limit your personal growth or potential happiness because of fear or because of all the other excuses that people tend to do on a daily basis. If you want something so bad, there ain't going to be no one but you stopping it. And if you do continue to make excuses or hindering your own development, I can only take it as that you simply didn't want it bad enough. 

Not everyone wants to sail around the world like we do which I fully understand, but the mindset I've been rambling about for the past thirty minutes (for a lifetime?) can be applied to all things in life. You are the master of your own life. Make sure to respect and nurture that very gift the best you can. I would also never ever accept myself being jealous or bitter, as I know that I don't have to and because I much rather spend that precious time on fulfilling my own, personal dreams, and not only someone else's.

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mind at ease

I think I've started practicing yoga in every city I've ever lived, only to realize, after a few sessions, that I didn't have the patience nor "time" for it. Of course I understood the meaning and purpose of the training, just that I was too "busy" to learn how to slow down or how to breath correctly. I remember I was always wondering when the class would finish so that I could get out calling that important phone call or meet up with some friends for drinks. And a few seasons later, I tried it again, but I simply wasn't ready to slow down, until now. 

One of the main reasons to why I wanted to leave everything behind and sail around the world with Alex, was because I had come to a turning point in life where I felt the need to cut out the things that didn't really matter in the long run. I was also anxious to take a distance to the regular world, as an opportunity to begin looking inward. True that I've always been a spiritually inclined person, but my life was rushing too fast. Too many unnecessary challenges, way too much alcohol, late nights and I was leading a physically destructive lifestyle rather than a healthy one. Without consciously knowing that I needed to better take care of myself, I quickly suggested to Alex that we should set ourselves free and sail the oceans of the world together. For many other reasons too of course, much for the love and affection that we felt for one another, a chance to get closer to each other and to build a foundation for the love we were willing to invest in, but one of my personal reasons was that my body and soul was yearning for a change. A change that would allow me to grow as a human being.

Having been out sailing now for almost two years, thousands of miles away from the jetset-life I was accustomed to back home in Europe and around the world, one thing that has now grown to be more important than anything in my life, is to be able to breath freely, to lead a slower, harmonic life and to properly take care of my body. The body is after all what carries our soul and without constant attention to it we might loose contact with our inner spirit. That disconnection is something I've experienced much in my past, a distance to my Self that sometimes made me make wrong decisions as well as treating myself and others in ways that hasn't always been the best ones. 

So as a natural progress, I started practicing yoga again a few months back. Combined with my daily exercise and meditation, which I've been busy with ever since we left Europe behind, it allows my body and soul to be at peace with my being. Not only does it give my body the flexibility and strength that is good to have when sailing and leading a very physically challenging life as we do, but it also puts my mind at ease. It gives me strength and ability to, with a clear and conscious mind, make better decisions. It opens up my soul, makes me less affected by outer disturbances and distractions. It allows me to breath and analyze situations before rushing with answers and thus giving me time and opportunity to act better. Decide better. Do better. Live better. And evidently, to be a better partner, friend, human being than what I might've been before. Not saying I was ever terrible at any of those, just that there's always room for improvements within ourselves and I'm glad that I've found my way to achieve a greater form of inner peace and fulfillment. Which naturally reflects on the people I meet, those that I invite into my sphere and the people that I share my life with. 

Ultimately, life is just a series of actions and reactions, and we can choose if we want to make that chain a positive or a negative one. To keep myself in good shape, spiritually and physically, makes my little chain in this big world a better and more harmonic one. It really is so easy, and though I'm endlessly thankful for the vast experiences my earlier life has given me, I regret that I didn't fully embrace this knowledge before. Never too old for improvements though.

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way to self knowledge


Dreaming of past and future, in between sea and sky. wishing i could live parts of my life again and again, sometimes just like they were once done, others in ways more refined.

This extended time far off civilization with hours and hours of inner contemplations, tremendously many moments of silence and peacefulness above the ordinary has been like being on a two year long therapy call. I've cried and I've laughed about the realizations I've made about myself and even though it's been hard, still is pretty often, I am closer to myself than what I've ever been before. I have realized so many things about myself. I've been forced to deal with and open my eyes to the things about my life and my person that aren't that attractive. There are things that I regret that I haven't done and taken care of and there are those things that I've done but not as complete or proper as I should've. It's easy to blame oneself for things that we normally call mistakes, and only that, to be able to look myself in the mirror and dare to say that I've made mistakes, are, if not pleasant, at least a healthy feature on my personal development. 

Having been the type of person who's always been on the run, rapidly moving forward without looking back, I've shifted life, place, home, relationships faster than anyone would get the chance to pronounce the word mundanity, it is now stimulating, and quite interesting to see that I've taken a step back. I let the world pass before my eyes instead of trying to keep up with its rapid movement. This enforced therapy has pushed me to go back in time to try to find some sort of peace with my past and the person that I've always ran away from. I used to think and claim that I was just like this or that, because I was born that way. Today I know I'm not perfect, have never been, and that with more understanding about myself, I could have done things way more proper than what I've sometimes done. My past and my life has shaped me like everyone else. Disappointments in life have made me strong, independent, free, open minded. But they have also made me treat people that I've cared about in ways that I regret. I've also had very much time to reflect upon all those things that I've earlier taken for granted. And during these two years on the boat, I've encountered many situations mental and physical, all in between bittersweet life and unfair death, that have reminded me of the fact that nothing is forever, not everything will always be there when we've had our backs to it for an extended time and that nothing, nothing should ever be taken for granted.

Before I grew up (meaning before I turned thirty, although I still have a long way to go), I've always said to myself: I want to live a life regretting nothing. Even the things that weren't that good at the time, I always looked upon them as that they were a natural development, that c'est la vie, shit happens, that's the way world functions. Today I look back and I can admit to myself that certain things were in fact really bad decisions, I know I did those things as it felt right at that specific moment, but if I would have known myself better, if I would't stubbornly, aggressively, spontaneously and repeatedly insisted on running forward, I could have saved myself and others from pain. Pain on others that indirectly have hurt myself just as much.

To really get to know oneself, I mean in a deeper extent than what I earlier thought was to be self knowing, is probably the hardest journey I've done in my life. No physical travel around the world can ever measure up with the ups and downs and hours of circling around in an endless roundabout that it is to come closer to who you really are. Smallest of details can profoundly change the direction of your life, but despite the pain of the realizations, this journey far from everything expect myself has changed my life more than anything I've ever gone through in the past. I wish to believe it is for the better.

If any of you would ever want to get to know yourself a bit more deeply, try night sailing alone (possibly meaning your partner is sleeping and you're on watch). No other sound than the wind and the waves are there to give you company, no other shades than black and occasionally some whitecaps surrounds you and believe me your mind will spin away to places you've never been before. I've developed a love and hate relationship for night watches/solo sailing, I love it as it opens your mind and makes you think, hate it for just the same reason. 

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It's all about freedom

When people ask what's our main purpose, the real drive behind sailing the world and living a life like this, the answer that always comes to mind is, because we want to feel free. However egoistic or selfish that might sound, it's all very simple, we just want that: to feel free, have peace of mind. We have no huge saving-the-world-mission going on here nor are we out on this journey just because "it's a fun thing to have done", but what is driving us are all those unnecessary things one might have to face in a normal life. 

We don't want no stress, we want no bigger problems than the ones we manage to create for ourselves, we don't want anyone interfering with our time on earth, no one telling us what to do and what not to. We want to be able to do the things we love, design the life the way we feel like. We want to share beautiful moments only with people we love being around and the ones that we feel happy and comfortable with. We want to see the world with our own eyes, maybe finding a place to settle for a few years or continue to search for that perfect place for years to come if that suits us better for that time being. 

This journey we're out on is the best way we've found to achieve all of that. This is the only way we have figured out that gives us real peace of mind and we are willing to work hard each of these days in various locations around the world to maintain this liberating lifestyle that we have chosen as our best bet. Don't get me wrong now, we have a lot of things to do here, a lot of work and projects to take care of which sometimes means 14 hours of non-stop work and a lot of sweat and pain, but we're doing it all because we have chosen it as parts of our life, and obviously because money doesn't grow on palm trees..

Life is so incredibly beautiful if we manage it well so we simply just don't want to waste our time if you know what I mean. To be egoistic and to take control of your own life is for us the best way to live as that gives not only happiness to oneself, but also to the people that you choose to be around. I am more humble and thoughtful to my family and people that I care about today than what I have ever been before, while at the same time being more distant to what consume too much of my energy in a negative way, and it all comes down to the same philosophy: Life was made to be lived in peaceful and harmonic manners. When the mind and soul is in peace because you do only the things you enjoy doing, the things that moves you forward and when you surround yourself only with the energy you feel balanced with - that is for me to have found freedom. 

And that is in the end of the day, the reason why we have chosen to live the way we do. Some weeks we're broke and dirty as a result of expensive and time consuming boat renovations and not much work for us as freelancers', other weeks we're tidied up with pockets full of cash but all the time we're on our way towards our own dreams. Living the life we have chosen for ourselves. Since we began this journey and discovered the truth of it, both the good the bad and the ugly sides, neither of us can imagine living life differently. Everyday thankful that we made this dream reality.

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Home is where your heart is

Was about time that I got to show Alex my home country which we both enjoyed very much, but we always seem to miss our little boat whenever we're away for too long. Although she's currently a big mess with things and tools all over the place, nothing beats the feeling of being home. I am still, two years after I moved aboard a boat with Alex, amazed at how easy it was to adapt to a life in confined spaces on water. Tight, hot, not always so comfortable, currently no functioning water heater, not always enough electricity to charge the laptop, not quite enough space for all the belongings we wish to have with us - yet still this is where we feel most satisfied. Strange? Maybe, but there simply is something utterly fulfilling with being unattached in the way that you are when you have only yourself to rely on. Only the thought of that we can turn the engine key or hoist the sails any second and change location to almost wherever in the world, gives such incredible sense of independence, which I believe most of us are yearning for in one way or the other. 

Sometimes we look back and reflect upon the fact that we left a slightly more normal way of living to live aboard a small sailboat far from most of our families and friends, and even though life occasionally can be hard in the way we have chosen to live it, we still think this was the right way to go. There are many more dreams waiting for us to fulfill and every step, every deck fitting we re-bed, every new winch that is getting installed, every hour of work in front of the computer, every argument we've gone through and every hour of organizing inside of the boat is just taking us one step closer to those dreams. It is amazing how almost everything that we do in our everyday lives nowadays are intentionally or unconsciously connected to those dreams and it is pleasing to know that we have the power to make reality of them all. With a focused mind and a mutual understanding for the goal and the process, I sincerely believe we all can make our own miracles come true. 

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Memories of past and future

Got served fresh mango juice this morning on a table cloth that reminds me of warm childhood summers picking blueberries with my grandmother. 20 years ago but still so close to my heart. Speaking of age. Very soon I'm turning thirty... there's a great intimate party in the planning. For the change of age I don't care too much, but I'm looking very much forward to spend the day with some really amazing people. Isn't that what is the most important in life anyway? Not things nor possessions, but relationships with people you meet during your lifetime. Sometimes it feels like I have had it all, done and possessed what many only can dream of, but in the end of the day what is etched into my heart and what gives me smiles, warmth and good memories for a lifetime, are the friendships, relationships and times I had the blessing to share with people that I loved. Some friends and family members naturally fall off along the way as life is such - not everything is meant to be forever - but the memories and lessons that I've kept from them all are what makes me an incredibly thankful and rich human being.

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Baby dogs and children

Look at this beautiful pitbull/rottweiler baby girl, it almost breaks my heart to remove her from my lap and leave her back to the owner. If only we could have one of these onboard, a pity they don't stay this petite for the rest of their lives. But kids and dogs will have to wait a few more years til the day we are ready to turn our focus from adventure and our own personal development. Not sure when/if we will ever be ready. Have been talking a lot about kids lately with several different people as it seems like it's kind of expected of a woman close to thirty to start planning for family and kids. It's not at all a must in my world. I don't necessarily need own children to complete myself and I/we are still not certain if it is the right way to go for us or myself. To have children at all that is.

I'm scared to love them too much, to get totally overprotective and completely loose myself in the process. One day I love the idea, I can picture our own little family and I know what an amazing father Alex would be. The next day I'm sure that I will never have any children at all because of the fact that it would bring just too many more headaches into life and I really want to keep things simple. And some days we're more into adoption and could imagine ourselves taking care of a few of the ones less fortunate. There's so many kids out there in the world without parents, security and love so why putting more children onto this planet. But as I told you, I'm still not sure what is the best way to go and luckily I got a few more years to think this all through.

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Fear and falling

What many people seem to do wrong in this life is that they don't dare to make some mistakes. It can drive me insane when I see so many human beings with great potential being locked up because they are afraid to fail, afraid to fall, and desperately they hold on to the only reality they ever knew, thinking that this must be the only way to go, even when they're not content with their life situation. But it is not before you let go of your lifelines, when you've released yourself to the risks of the reality, when you fully opened up your eyes and acknowledged the truths around you and when you have fallen on your knees a couple of times that you fully can become you. 

Do you really want to remain a pale shadow of what you could become? Do you really want to limit your own personal development just because you are afraid? Afraid of what? What is it that could really hurt you? Take some risks, enjoy your life, break some rules, don't look back and remember that there are thousands of other ways to go than the safe road you always walked along. Life is grand and holds a mountain of opportunities, both technically and mentally. Don't limit yourself to the minimum.

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Happiness is...


To spend your life at sea, touched and embraced by the simpleness, the beautiful and raw world of water that's gentle yet so unforgiving at the very same time. Happiness is to be able to jump from deck into the crystal clear ocean, feel the life and energy of water flashing around your naked body. You are one now, for the seconds your body rapidly burst through the water you are one, just like the moments before you were born. Naked, wet, surrounded by water. 
Happiness is to swim up towards the surface, to rise up from the sea into the warm air where the sun quickly dries your skin, giving you warmth from the evening rays of sunshine. It is to draw your hands through your salty hair and realize that these absolutely simple things are what helps a human being feeling free. Completely and utterly free. The excitement and joy from the moment makes you promise yourself that you will never let anything come in between you and your relationship with nature. Nothing should ever take that freedom away from you. Nothing, ever. 


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Morning glory

I remember that earlier, while we still were kind of attached to land and lived in Barcelona, I was sometimes wondering about how some of the cruisers we had the chance to meet got their energy and why they were so boring in the nights. They seemed to wake up so early full with energy and they were always tired and sleepy for a late nights dinner or a good party - something that me/we still occupied us with at occasions in our hometown - now I have came to a complete understanding.

When living so close to the nature, you want nothing else than to take advantage of all the sunshine hours you can get and nowadays I wake up at 6.40 - every single morning. It is like I had an inner alarm telling me that exactly at 6.40 it is about time to get up to not waste your time and I find it very refreshing to get out from the cabin, open the doors of the companion way and get greeted by the warm sun which is just about to rise. On the other hand I have hard to keep my eyes open after 9.30 pm and more than once a week I fall heavily asleep on the couch in our saloon or on the comfortable cushions in the cockpit after dinner. My body and soul have slowly got synchronized with the flow of the nature and rather than following the beat of the night like the night creature I earlier might have been, I now get up perfectly in time for when the sun rises and I go to bed when the sun have disappeared with it's light and warmth behind the horizon, instead of the opposite.

Very interesting. I can't even remember the night we were up after midnight and thankful I am for that, especially here in the Caribbean as the sun rises very early and also goes down soon after 6.30 every night. There are very few sunshine hours and these we want to take care of as much as we can. Very fascinating how the human mind and body have so easy to adapt and most wonderful it is how much better and cleaner the soul and mind feels when living by the laws and flows of the nature. And what an incredibly good sleep you get on top of that. Of course I can occasionally miss a real good wild fiesta, but now I kind of wonder if I really would have the energy for it all. Times has definitely changed. It is interesting, strange and beautiful at the very same time. 

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Love Peace and Happiness

Sorry to sound like a fucking cliché or a complete hippie all the time but when I see these pictures we took the other day I, again, get reminded of the point in what we've chosen to do with our lives. For are there anything greater, stronger than the happiness and contentment you can feel from only being close to another human being? The one you love most. Just like that alone could be enough to feed ones soul.

We're now gone from all the stress, gone from a destructive world and instead we're spending more time with each other, enjoying what mother nature have given us. In peace. On our conditions. In our speed. Someone once said "the hard thing is to find a person you stand for a longer period and in more than ten minutes at a time" and I can definitely relate to it from an earlier life but this time it is all so different. So simple. So real. So... right. 

I vote for love to be the new universal religion. That's at least what gives us strength, hope and a peace of mind.

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Searching for the real meaning of life

People often ask us: How did you come up with this idea? To sail around the world? I mean you guys barely knew each other when you decided? How do you expect to be just the two of you on such small space for such a long time? Do you do this to run away from something? The list is long with wonderings and, sometimes pessimistic, questions so I will tell you the story of how we decided to do this and a bit about our philosophy around this journey. And life in general.

When Alex first introduced me to Caos, he had just bought her a couple of months earlier. It was a cold and windy November afternoon. The wind blew up to around 30 knots, it was freezing cold and there was cold water everywhere so the chance that I would get bored and never step onto a sailboat again were greater than I would give it another chance. But I went through it somehow, felt a rush of excitement when we stepped off the boat again in the dark and cold night and I told Alex that we definitely needed do this again very soon. Somehow I loved the new insight this small ride gave me. Not only the sailing, or the man behind the helm - but also the new spiritual reflection it offered. I was somehow impressed that a man, a tremendously sexy man like Alex is, would prefer to go out sailing alone in rough weather rather than spending his time and money on normal type of entertainment/soul searching that the norm in his age and looks would do. This man was a far cry from the jet set world, the wheel of consumption, the overstrained businessmen and the party-people that I, at this time, was surrounded by most of my time.

Alex simply enjoyed sailing by himself and he seemed to have found peace and happiness in the natural and raw things of life and I got incredibly attracted by the strong statement that his aura was screaming out. His calmness and his passivity to all things fake and worldly was and still can be a bit provocative in the eyes of a few, as he has no intention to hide his real self, but that is exactly what in the beginning got me turned on - and still do. Me myself had always been torn between the consuming lifestyle versus the deeper insights of how destructive and pathetic the superficial consumption society actually is/was - so to meet Alex who clearly was on the real side with real values, was such an incredible relief.

So I kept on seeing this sailor and he continued bringing me out on cold nights on the sea and even though I was/still is a very lazy and comfortable person who hated the cold weather (Spain had it's coldest winter for 80 years that winter), something inside of my head told me: keep on, go through this, it will reward you later on, and I did follow that voice.

Then one day when we had been seeing each other for a couple of weeks or so, Alex asked me: "Why don't we take the boat and go somewhere warm? Africa or maybe the Caribbean for some months?" I thought for some seconds and I heard myself say: "Why not around the world?" I remember Alex was looking at me like he thought I was joking. His face was thrilled of excitement yet extremely skeptical. "Yes, why not" - he said after a while of confusion, and smiled. Still wondering what the hell did she just say? Sailing around the world was obviously one of Alex ultimate dreams, as is for every sailor I suppose, but he was far away from making reality of that dream in exactly this period of his life. 

When I think about it in retrospective, I am not sure that I at this time knew the meaning of what I just had suggested. One of my crazy ideas or a social experiment in a different world, is probably what my oldest and best friends would describe it as, without leaving a shred of surprise. And what Alex thought at this time is not very clear either. I think that he barely started to believe that the dream actually would become reality for real before maybe around the early summertime, this year. I, on the other hand, was sure of that this was the meaning of my life from the very second that I suggested the idea and I happily moved onto the boat after New Year. Still not sure how it all went so fast but something inside of me told me that it was the right thing to do. And the warmer it got in the spring time, the more I learned to love sailing and the life aboard.

As I had been working with online portals, blogs and all kinds of social media networks since I opened my online boutique and started my blogs back in 2005, it was obvious that we had to run a blog and a website with the journey. It was also obvious from the start that we would bring in sponsors to lower the costs of equipment and most naturally would I take this excellent chance to develop my creativity and my passion and experience in photography and editing and share the beautiful days of the journey with the rest of the world.

Whatever we thought of and however we turned and twisted the idea between each other, it just felt perfectly right. Like there was never a better plan made. This was not only the journey of our dreams with the person we felt stronger for than for anyone in our pasts, it also clicked perfectly with our passions, life experiences and with the individual philosophical process which we individually had gone through so far, in life.

Call it the meaning of life or the mission on planet earth, we just knew that this was what we were meant to be doing. So when people ask us "how will you be able to live just the two of you on such small space and will you ever get bored" - we almost laugh as the question is so simple compared to the years of thinking process we have spent to get here. I don't think there are no better answer to all of the wonderings more than: We just know it, from the bottom of our hearts and in every corner of our bodies, we know that this is the right thing to do. If it would mean that we will have to see only each other for two long years, live on tiny space and not having contact with the rest of the world, we would still do it - but obviously that is not the case.

So when people ask us: "Are you doing this to run away from the reality?" We just say: Yes, of course we are. We are utterly convinced that a detachment from the society is what we need for now, to reach those new insights which we're so desperately longing for - as the thing you might call the normality or the reality, aren't enough for us any longer. With our life experiences and insight in different worlds, we can truthfully proclaim that we're no longer interested in the normal way of living. Though I know I do it damn good, I do no longer want to be a part of the consumer society where the image you convey of yourself is more important than the real things: love, being true to oneself and the pure happiness you get from simple things. Don't get me wrong: money have to always be made and we will both always appreciate well made craftsmanship and quality in the things that we use, wear, eat and live on, just have a look at the boat we live in - we just believe that there is a far greater meaning with life than the world we have seen so far, and we can't find a better way to put our philosophy into practice, than to sail away. To only have enough material for what we actually need, that the things we use are perfectly efficient for our lifestyle and not to live in abundance, is what we're striving for. And with the love for one another, the nature, the sea and the like minded people we will meet on our journey, we believe that we'll find a more pure and truthful happiness which we cannot find in this normal world.

The most fantastic part with it all, with this beautiful thing called life, is that we actually have found someone who's the copy of ourselves in the philosophical aspect and who completely understands, what we both always thought that no one could adapt to. We've both, unconsciously, been searching for that someone who would be able to, not only comprehend our personal philosophies and existential questions, but also being able to physically act on the desires of reaching a new level in life. That new something which requires the detachment we're now about to execute together.

The ones who knows us for real, our families and childhood friends, they know that we are two individuals who always have had the need to get out there in the unknown - yet when we feel that the time is right, we'll get back to collect some new energy from our loved ones. New acquaintances might take this type of disappearance personally, but I think most of them will get the point after a while. This is how we are and have always been. Although individually until now.

I can totally understand that it can sound provocative for some people that we're choosing to step outside of the norm to get even closer to each other and far away from it all. But this is what drives us, this is what is have to get done and this is what we have been waiting for for almost a year now. Or even a lifetime. Very soon we will finally be able to say: We made it, no matter where the journey will take us, how long it will last or how long it will be the two of us, we made it through to the other side. Mentally and spiritually we're already there - now only remaining is the physical part of ourselves, to reach to that next level where we believe that our souls will find a new, greater meaning with life.

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